Recent Comments
- by: honestly - I totally agree! Dave you are amazing- there's so much hurt and anger here and you show up with patience and calm and genuinely try to explain. on the other hand, i think if I'd just found out someone I'd just met had told me a pack of lies to make themselves look good, I'd not pursue that relationship any further. There's a basic 'how do I trust a word you're saying' issue. I'm maybe freakishly honest but it would really be a huge red flag for me.>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: Swedish coast - I can't see any moral flaw in your withheld criticism. You have mainly been trying to protect yourself from his reactivity. I imagine that silence of yours is a serious sign your boundaries have been constantly invaded. I think of you and hope for the very best.>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: Swedish coast - Dave, I really appreciate your presence on the forum. You spend time kindly adding your perspective to a hurt group of non-ADHDers, and add to my understanding. I realize many non stories are not complimentary to ADHD and I acknowledge your always friendly approach. The ADHD people I know are generally very kind, profound, and also deeply loyal. My husband is a good person. I think that is why I have such trouble piecing it all together. The psychologist said yesterday I had been manipulated, and I think...>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: BurnedOutLady - What kind of relationship does he have with his mother? I have a 2 for 2 history of partners who hate their mothers. I, as a woman, am clearly the stand-in for the mom. I notice they are able to be much better behaved with other people. My partner has ADHD and a lot of other issues as well ....>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: ZijiZahn - You've posed a brilliant question! I relate and have had a recent ah-ha that ties into the dopamine/adrenaline. Is it possible that we become tossed aside by our ADHD partners in their never ending search for that rush/hit? My partner seems to have turned to obsessive devotion to his dog, working on his boat, hiking, and masturbating to "feel joy and connection" . Where in the past he turned to me for conversation, connection, love making, date nights, mini vacations and dreaming of a future together....>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: honestly - and so is your situation. It does feel like language is weighted differently for people with ADHD; I wonder if it's connected to poor memory- they might mean it for a moment but it doesn't really settle? (though he clearly never meant it re the chocolate bar)>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: honestly - When faced with RSD, and the fact that talking just does not work - when what you say doesn't get heard or acted on - it makes sense just to stop talking.>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: BurnedOutLady - I just had a long conversation with my ADHD husband who has moved out. It took days to get to where I could coax him into talking with me. Finally I ended up being able to explain in detail how the stress of his constant mess had been building up within me. He said, I didn't know it bothered you that much. Which is insane on the face of it. But anyway, I told him that recently I had just stopped talking to him about it because it's too difficult to do so. And this is the problem with the RSD, which stops...>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: BurnedOutLady - Maybe you need to consider how to communicate less aggressively.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: Swedish coast - Especially the chocolate bar thing is so strange! I like the balloon analogy. Incomprehensible behavior. I'm sorry you have had to navigate around this, it must be very difficult. The agreement out the window thing, sadly, is more familiar to me.>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: honestly - My DX OH straightup lies to me; full on saying the thing that isn't true. I hate it. Then there's another side to this which is that language doesn't seem to have the same weight for him that it does for me. I don't mean he's joking; he'll agree something with me (eg to cut down on alcohol) and do the opposite (get hammered) and act like the agreement wasn't much of a thing. Or he'll ask me to pick up something from the shop, list a few chocolate bars, and I'll come back with whatever I could get, and he'...>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: alphabetdave - Genuinely it is, and in my experience ADHDers are happiest when they're able to be as honest as they possibly can be. ADHDers, like any segment of society are a mixed bag so if it seems like I sing their praises at times, I'm specifically talking about the ones I've come into contact with via support groups, some of whom are good friends now. There are also complete jerks who have ADHD, and I haven't come across many of these but just want to acknowledge that they do exist, I'm not making out like "all...>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: Swedish coast - Dear C, you know I'm not religious, but I'd pray for you if I could.>>> on Forum topic - Question for the ADHD folks about mess
- by: c ur self - I think my brother's both had it....Of course ADHD is a sliding scale diease....I'm about like you...My daughter got tested years ago, she has mild to moderate....My spouse has it at a clinical level...(adderall)....My daughter has many of my characteristics....I'm not effected in most of the way's my wife is, plus she has personality disorders, and is possibly on the spectrum....My biggest issues are detailed talking, and interrupting....I've always been extremely high functioning....Work meetings just...>>> on Forum topic - Any Nons here find out they too have ADHD?
- by: 1Melody1 - If it's group think to reject a notion that equates to "she was asking to be assaulted..." I'm a-ok with that. I won't speak for anyone but would guess most of the nons here have been emotionally abused for years. I count myself in that group fully. I don't consider my weak boundaries "half of a toxic dynamic" just like I don't consider a woman wearing a bustier deserving of assault. I think in most cases here, we're not just talking about a messy house. We're talking about lies, withholding, financial...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: c ur self - They really didn't address it...They know it, but it's the behaviors (life pursuits) related to biblical marriage responsibilities they wanted to hear about...I told them the main reason I've endured for 16 years was my opinion's concerning mental illness....Plus I'm messed up....I'm more of a mother than a husband...I can't help but worry about her well being w/ out me.... Thank you swedish coast.... c>>> on Forum topic - Question for the ADHD folks about mess
- by: Swedish coast - It sounds like you need to release your joyous self from this relationship. You need to take back your happiness. I'm sorry you are suffering this. My ex husband during divorce made the same conclusion as your partner in order to restore his self-esteem. He thinks I and my expectations have been the problem all along and there's nothing wrong with him. I think it's natural in a way. As ADHD, he has his own perceptions for reference. As non, I perceive differently and disagree with him. He has been hard to...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner no longer “the problem “
- by: alphabetdave - just pushed back into "comment purgatory" (no malice in this label, only humour lol), am sure it'll reappear later, around when this comment appears!>>> on Forum topic - frustration with comment approval process
- by: honestly - because you're not really reading what I write. I have enough of not being listened to at home, and since I'm getting better at boundaries - bye.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: Off the roller ... - I hear you and see that your comment was deleted! Not cool!>>> on Forum topic - frustration with comment approval process