My husband and I are currently separated, he's had an affair with another woman, and we have been unable to properly approach the ADD in our marriage. Currently he's living with his brother in another state while he sorts through his feeling for this other woman and whether or not he wants to try again at our relationship.
I've asked him to stop all communication with the other woman while he is gone in order to make a decision on him and I not based on and what her expectations are for their relationship. She has already gone forward with a divorce with her husband and is now in full on I love him mode and expressing it online very liberally.
He is responding in his own way towards her by "liking" the love songs she has put up for him.
I feel very torn. He has to make his own decision about what he is doing with her and I, but I feel completely disposable to him. Should I go ahead and make the decision of the course of our relationship or should I just continue to suffer through all of this?
Look outside the box
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
misssunshine,
I am sorry you are dealing with this. Only you can make the final decision of what is best for you.
From the outside looking in, it sure appears he is doing exactly what you asked him not to do. Is your husband worth waiting to see if you come in second place in the choice of where he will focus his affections?
making Decisions...
Submitted by Boundanddetermind on
My opinion comes from my experience. My husband and I are also separated. We have been for 7 months. He has been diagnosed as ADD, but no real treatment. We have recently (2 months ago) decided to date and see what happens. When I left the marriage I needed so desperately to find myself again. I was severely depressed. And at my lowest moments, my ADD spouse ignored me and it was a critical time. This prompted me to know I had to do this on my own. Missunshine, I would try the best you can to let go. It was not until I let go and forgave him and myself that I was able to even attempt a reconciliation. Now we are still dating. No plans to move back in together. I am so much more aware now of my own feelings and I can see his symptoms so much clearer. The problem now is that it hurts a little less, but still hurts. I found this website today and it has given me hope and discouragement, honestly. I love him and want to make it work, but will it be too hard. Will I end up right where I left the marriage? I try to do my best everyday and its not always great, but at least I can stay present for now. I want to speak to him about ADD and let him know that treatment and us working together is the only thing that will work. Our communication has been lacking for years and I can see it creeping back to the way it was. I dont like to give ultimatums, but at this point looking at this from an ADD perspective is the only way I can manage this marriage again.