Submitted by Kair on 05/18/2014.
Firstly, I'm so surprised I have found not only other people, but other spouses of ADD partners....I can't believe I'm not the only one... I thought it was just me...with what seems like a Man-child for a husband!
I don't even know where to start...the lack of help around the house? The almost teenage response toward helping me..coming from a 31 year old man?
The anger issues? The hoarding? The narcissistic attitude...
Some days I want out. I fantasize a life of singledom..... I was a single mom before... I could do it again...
Some days I just wish he would be that father that devotes himself and plays with his kids...I want to stand in front of the window and see him playing with them...not instantly yell at them as soon as something comes out of their mouths.
Some days I wish he would do things for me...I always had the house clean dinner on the table etc when I was the parent at home...now that he is.... I'm lucky to have a clean cup.
Hey better yet get a fricken job.
Stop spending day and night playing online Pc games.
Stop telling me you won't give it up...even if it's to our detriment.
Better yet maybe I need a harden up pill and somehow leave his ass....
I done it once..
Why..did I come back and actually marry him? Then have another child? Perhaps I'm the problem!
We each have our own struggles
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Kair,
It took me a very long time to actually step back and look at my marital situation. I thought marriage was forever. I thought the good would always outweigh the bad. I always went back to the fact that I made vows to my husband the day we married. It never had dawned on me until recent years that my spouse made wedding vows to me, too!.
I have found it quite amazing that so very many ladies here on this forum who have the same story as mine - not all - but there are about enough usual members who are in their late 50s, empty nesters, post menopausal, who are struggling with asking themselves the same question, "How in Sam's Hill did my marriage get to this point?" And we have a spouse who is in denial of the affect his negative ADHD behaviors have on the marriage.
My biggest wonder is, "How different would our marriage be if my spouse at least apologized for poor behavior? If he said, "I don't know how I keep losing things." If he said, "I have poor organizational skills, will you please help me?" If he said, "Thanks for all you do for me." If he said, "I appreciate all you do in trying to keep our house neat, and the bills current, and our financial status quo at least 'keeping out heads above water'."
Over a month ago, my spouse was in a bad mood and said, "What do you ever do for me?" (I surely know he was probably speaking of intimacy.) So, I started to say, "I do your laundry" . . . . . .and he cut me off with an angry retort, "I don't need you to do my laundry. I can do it myself." So, I walked away, and left it right there. I have not done his laundry in over 8 weeks.
Last week, I said, "Since I now work Fridays and Saturdays, I would like to designate Thursday as my day to do laundry." He responded that he wasn't trying to take over, but "I went over 5 days without any clean underwear. I know you were busy with classes and things, but. . . . . . I reminded him of our last conversation. What he said "We weren't done with that conversation."
I told him I did not like to be taken for granted, nor would I participate in angry discussions like that. I also told him I always loved being the housewife, and the laundry was one of my favorite responsibilities. If he wanted me to do his laundry, all he had to do was ask. He said, "I will just do my own laundry since you are working now."
I take what I can get. What I THOUGHT: I had asked him to help keep the house clean by helping with the floors or the dishes. I had JUST told him the laundry was my favorite domestic chore - so that is what he picked to do.
That is how frustrating his mind works. No, I do not believe he had any mean intent. But, he did not listen. He did not apologize for being talking harshly in the first place. He did not understand. . . .well, so many things. Oiy. Crazy making.