So here is my dilemma. We have $ problems. I know what we need to do to get started on the right track. I go to DH and tell him we got something urgent in the mail and we need to act. That was Monday morning. He said we would go over it that afternoon. Its is Thursday. Still haven't gone over it yet. Always happens this way. And I let things go (which is how we got into the $ mess we are in). I have been reading and trying everything to help him, me, and our marriage. In my reading, I come across something a woman wrote that said wives need to support their husbands but not take over because having the woman take over emasculates the husband. So what now? I know what we need to do. Putting it off and waiting on him is going to potentially cause more problems. But if I try to handle things on my own, I run the risk of upsetting him. Any advice?
need advice from the guys with ADD
Submitted by Sade88 on 11/06/2014.
Personally I would rather the
Submitted by Prof. Doofenschmirtz on
Personally I would rather the problem just go away quietly so I can focus on whatever I am focusing on. I would only get mad if you take care of it and then rub it in my face. But if the problem just disappears and I don't have to worry about it, then that is best case.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place
Submitted by c ur self on
(I come across something a woman wrote that said wives need to support their husbands but not take over because having the woman take over emasculates the husband. So what now?)
I know you asked for guys w/add's opinion...When my wife is mad at me she say's I'm add and bi-polar...So maybe I qualify....Your statement above about taking over I agree with...But, at what point do you go down with the ship?
I think if you want to be responsible toward spending, saving, and dealing with creators...And the term you put in your post "Always" is truly stating how he responds to being responsible in this area...I think you should do what needs done...But, I think you should set him down and tell him calmly and respectfully how you feel about his actions or lack there of in this area. And you are tired of being forced to live w/ his unfilled promises in this area. It's not about respect, it's about wise living....
And staying out of the poor house:(...Blessings.
thank you
Submitted by Sade88 on
Thanks for the replies. It is time for me to get started. He mentioned again on Sunday that we need to discuss this. It didn't happen on Sunday but it wasn't his fault. He had a counseling appointment. From there, he went to visit a customer who needed assistance (we own a business). Other than coaching my son's team, its been all work for him this week. No time at all the tackle this issue. So I start solo today and will get him caught up when I caln
I am one of the ADHD guys...
Submitted by NotAnIdiot on
...and I agree with Prof. Doofen..whatever (can't remember his full name, ha ha). Funny, my wife calls me Professor Doofus. Anywho - for years I was responsible for paying half the bills at our house - I even had my own checking account for the purpose. As you can imagine there were many screw-ups - a never ending source of frustration for my wife. We never had the electricity turned off - but almost once. I had to race down to the electric company office with a wad of cash just minutes before they closed. That was actually quite exciting...Anyway - eventually I was willing to face the reality of the situation after my ADHD diagnosis, and just turned it all over to her. And she does not resent it - because she knows I have a disorder and so it's just not something I do well, and negotiating these things out is what a marriage is all about. I never felt emasculated at all - I guess because I make a distinction between bringing home the money and writing checks. Any woman on earth can write checks. In fact spending money is something women do very well, it's like a law of nature, lol. (please, no flames about me being a sexist, I have enough to deal with , thanks). The main issue here is the exent to which your husband recognizes that he is financially challenged due to his ADHD, and whether he is mature enough to set aside his false pride long enough to make peace with his wife.
This sounds very familiar! I
Submitted by Moondust on
This sounds very familiar! I, too, am having trouble finding the balance of being responsible but not emasculating my (ADHD) husband. A couple nights ago I brought up this subject to my husband. The conclusion he came to was similar to what Prof. D said above. Basically, my husband said it doesn't bother him if I do things or "take over" certain aspects of our life - paying bills, etc. But I make sure to never rub it in his face. After having our discussion, we came to the conclusion that there are certain circumstances that have come up and others that will continue to come up in the future that are on a time crunch and/or pressing matters. I will bring it up to DH at that time, and if need be, I will make the decision and move forward with the appropriate response. Because there are certain things that must be taken care of immediately, and DH just isn't capable of making those things a priority or making those decisions in a timely matter. He said after deciding that's how we will handle these kind of situations, it was a relief to him, because he knew it would be taken care of, even if he forgets or is focusing elsewhere unintentionally. I don't know if that will work in your situation or not, and it remains to be seen if it will really work for us, too. I do know it is a relief to me as well, knowing that DH is ok with me making these decisions on my own if need be.
Sounds like a most fruitful agreement:)
Submitted by c ur self on
That is awesome moondust!...We should all have the humility to live out Ephesians 5, but still have enough wisdom to allow the strengths of each individual to work to make life better for the Whole....