after reading so many posts on here, and being new to having an ADHD partner, i think i must find a solution. Going around in circles does not make sense at my age. I spent 30 yrs (that magic number for marriage) married to someone who in hindsight had something wrong with him, personality disorder maybe. and so I ask myself why do i pick these people, or they pick me. hhmmm. I learnt one thing when going out with a guy with bi-polar disorder, when he went off and started talking to other 'ladies', i went off and did the same thing. it worked! he was soon looking for me. so maybe just maybe it would work with ADHD, or maybe not lol. haven't tried it yet. but my current ADHD partner said he would ring me on weekend, and of course no phonecall. any thoughts? has anyone tried giving them a taste of their own medicine?
A taste of their own medicine......
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I've never tried that with my boyfriend, and don't know if it would work.
The only ADHD related problem I have with my boyfriend of over a year is "TMI" when it comes to other people, women in particular. I never thought about going on and in great detail about men I've dated or my ex husband in order to "give him a taste of his own medicine". I'm not that person. I can't bring myself to go into detail about men that I've been with just to shock him into silence when he brings up other women.
I have told him before that the reason I don't bring up details of past relationships is because it would be disrespectful to him, and an insult to what we have together. The men in my past are a faded memory. HE is the one I want to be with. During a TMI conversation, I walk away and say nothing.
The only issue that is keeping me awake currently is something unrelated.
When it comes to ADHD, I found that changing how I react to his outbursts has made a difference.
To inthedark & AdeleS658 "Experiencing "IT"
Submitted by kellyj on
I have a few things to say about this....because I tried a lot of this lately!! LOL And the answer is....(wait for it)....Yes and NO !!! LOL
But first....I have to default to my own insecure attachment style when ever present ie" "Anxious Insecure". For the most part...I'm pretty secure and have worked past being in this way as a "chronic state of being" while in an intimate relationship as I was in my past. That doesn't mean however...I do not have my defaults in these areas and this is one of them? Whether this works or not? Depends? And what it depends on...is whether the other person shares this issue or not with me? If I apply myself to this....and try and use that as a form of manipulation or to "teach" someone a lesson....I may fall flat on my face, and get nothing but more grief in return and only throw more gas on the fire?
Adele....I don't mean to single you out here...but I can use what you said to tell you how this might work with me? As I hear you, you said " I have told him before that the reason I don't bring up details of past relationships is because it would be disrespectful to him, and an insult to what we have together. The men in my past are a faded memory. HE is the one I want to be with. During a TMI conversation, I walk away and say nothing."
Okay...within this statement...this tells me a lot of things about how you feel about this? Instead of telling you that the way you feel is not right....I can tell you instead that I feel differently? How I feel about this...is that this would not be an insult to me...if you were to do the very thing that you feel is an insult to "what we have together." I just don't...that's all? In fact....I want to hear about everything that has to do with the person I want to get to know intimately? And I mean....almost anything and everything except for the graphic details of any sexual encounters perhaps? Even then.....that is not necessarily off the table either in the right context? Not only does it tell me a lot about the person I'm with...but within those intimate details....are clues and answers to what is "intimate"....what is "important" and what that person feels on any deep or meaning topic that I might apply to my relationship to ( you ) the person I want to know everything about and nothing is off the table?
If things are...."off the table".....then these are mysteries to me and I hate mysteries!!! Any time I get the feeling like someone is withholding information about themselves or their lives ( the whole thing ) not like...their life just started with me and they have no past? That to me sparks a huge red flag and bells and whistles start going off and now....I begin not to trust them? Trust...is the big issue with not having "full disclosure" on all levels with me? No censorship allowed in my mind...if you're going to instill "trust" with me? I want to know EVERYTHING......and not knowing "EVERYTHING".....creates a feeling of "secretiveness"...like their is a "secret" being withheld from me....which means....there's a reason for it and that reason is not going to be good? For me that is?
But this is all about me and how I feel. I have many reasons to feel this way and for the most part when it came to those personal "secrets" as I see them? When finally brought to light for what ever reason.....THOSE were the very things that were a problem for me on my end in nearly every case I can think of? What was not said or withheld....almost ALWAYS came back and bit me on the butt!
So for me...it has nothing to do with skeletons or secrets in the past...or any left over longings for past relationships? As you put it....faded memories? Yep....pretty much? But it was part of your life that you had before and to some degree...in relates to the present in a way in seeing the big picture in it's entirety from start to finish? Thinking....you aren't going to pick up a Novel...and start at chapter 12 are you? How much of the book are you going to understand...without chapters 1 - 11 if you did that? This is how I see and why nothing is off the table including me...actually wanting to know?
But now going back to what you said here.."The only ADHD related problem I have with my boyfriend of over a year is "TMI" when it comes to other people, women in particular. I never thought about going on and in great detail about men I've dated or my ex husband in order to "give him a taste of his own medicine". I'm not that person. I can't bring myself to go into detail about men that I've been with just to shock him into silence when he brings up other women."
Clearly....as you stated.....this is a problem for you. Clearly...to "bring yourself to this" would be seen as a problem in itself? Clearly....this is a "shock" to you? Clearly.....you aren't....."that person" as you say?
And clearly....if you did this with me.....it would not be a shock....it would not be seen as an offense..and it would not bother me one bit? In fact.....clearly.....as I said....this would be a sign of lack of trust....fear of something I have no idea what your of afraid of? And now... feel like something is being withheld from me and now ...I'm REALLY not trusting you!!! LOL From my own...."nothing is ever off the table no matter what it is"....kind of thinking......withholding information.....or withholding anything that has to do with you and your life....to date...would be seen as an offense to me...eyed with suspicion, lack of trust and a generally feeling of uneasiness that would be pervasive...until I found out why? This would insight....my defaults and insecurity....big time by NOT doing it? LOL BIG TIME!!! LOL
All of this is to say a couple of things here. Within my specific type of attachement style ie: when I'm insecure only which is what this is all about. Meaning....when you are secure....this is a "non function" or does "not apply at all".... but only when I'm in that insecure frame of mind does this come into play? But censorship, secrets, or any information that is not being said about the person I'm with....is a trigger...and it triggers insecurity, distrust and a general feelings of being pushed away and not being "close" as in "intimate". If I'm going to be "intimate" with anyone...then I want to know....ALL the "intimate details" and facts of their life in order to become....."intimate with them". And when someone "withholds information".....this pushes me further away from them and form a barrier of "distrust" that I have a hard time getting past myself?
And what is even more interesting here...is that one of the "hallmark" characteristics of my particular brand of insecure attachment if present...is doing exactly the same thing you are proposing yourself and with that...the thinking behind it? And because there is this "glitch" in there that is not being considered.....using this method to "teach someone a lesson".....will back fire like there's no tomorrow in a catastrophic blaze of fire!!! LOL
What is this "glitch"? It's the fact...that in your feelings and thinking about this an applying to yourself and how you feel about this.....it's coming from the opposite pole and opposite end of the planet.....like as if you have a problem with Penguins since you live on the north Pole....and I live in the South Pole...and own a Penguin ranch. LOL And.... If you were to send me a Penguin....in order to teach me a lesson..... since I had just last week....sent you a Penguin as a gift via Fed -ex...and you were so appalled and taken back and outraged....that you buy me two more and send them back to me as a means to teach me a lesson ( this way )....and me going......"oh.....how thoughtful...wait until the rest of the colony meet these two lovely specimens." LOL And on top of it....now I'm thinking " she must have really liked that gift...maybe she wants her own colony too....here, I'll round up the nicest birds I've got...and send her 4 more to help her start her colony." LOL
And in respect to all of this....it really is more to do with respecting differences...but first....you have to realize...JUST WHAT THOSE ARE IN THE FIRST PLACE!! LOL In the same context....you could send me Penguins until you are blue in the face...and I'm never going to feel differently about Penguins because I like them and you don't. That's the problem? You can do this over and over again...but the main point I'm trying to make here with you...is that the "glitch"....is really, that you don't like Penguins and I do?
Or in essense to this Penguin example ( lol )...all the reasons you stated are your own...and you can't apply that immediately to another person..and think they feel the same about this as you do....for all the reasons there are? And not to try and defend my position that is different than yours....I have my reasons for feeling the way I do about this...and mainly and ironically....those reasons have to do with the very thing that is the basis of why you feel the way you do...in a very negative way as a result of my own experience with this? Saying...for the very reason I get triggered into wanting to have "full disclosure" across the board in every way with no holds barred and nothing remaining "unspoken" down to the intimate details? Those intimate details that were not disclosed with me....were the very thing that came back to bite me and make me afraid of them? My experience...tells me...that within those intimate details of a person past relationships....hold the very secrets of understanding them...and what is being withheld is "HIGHLY PERTINENT INFORMATION"...that might make all the difference in the world to me...and how I approach a person or....decide not to be with them at all!!! Within what is not spoken of withheld...are the "devil in the details" and I want to know the devil I'm with and all that goes with it? BIG TIME!!!
In this case....nothing can be assumed as correct and nothing you feel can be assumed onto another person to know if it's not said so up front and spoken in clear unambiguous language ahead of time ie: Personal boundaries...spelled out..in clear and unambiguous language ie:
"I don't like that....Please don't do it" And if they don't respect that boundary or they just can't understand the reason why you don't like Penguins yet they do because they live at the South Pole..and you live on the North Pole...the the problem still exists....but sending them more Penguins won't tell them anything? This will backfire in that blazing ball of fire and you'll be sitting there on the North Pole up to your eye balls in Penguins and you'll be furious and not understanding what the problem is? LOL You'll be surrounded with Penguins with more on their way.... until you can communicate how you feel about them....instead of trying to "send a message" in this way which is definitely being received but clearly not understood!! LOL And me sitting at the South Pole...not understanding why you are so upset?
What's happening here....is that you are not only missing the bulls eye here.....you're missing the entire target and are off by thousands of miles?
If you are going to do this and teach someone a lesson by experiencing it which by all accounts ...can be extremely effective....you first need to know what to target first..and then to be accurate and do it well on top of it? If the other person can't relate to your experience the same as you do....no matter how many times you try and "send them a message"....it's going to be received the same every time to them...in exactly the same way they experience it every time which might be...;the polar opposite of you?
And in respect to this.....if you really want to do this...but do it well....you need to understand what makes them "tick"...and target that ticker accurately and hit the bulls eye on top of it. What you think and feel about this is irrelevant to them. They only know how they feel and think about it...so you need to know how they feel and what there what's going to "shock them awake"....and not try and use what shocks you because likely....it won't be anything near the same things with them why this doesn't work unless you can find that magic bullet...but only in this one case? There are probably...many magic bullets needed..and each case needs to taken ....on a case by case basis .....with lots of ammo in your arsenal in order to this well. One magic bullet...will not work in another area of conflict? You need to have one for each area of conflict and each one will be different and one size does not fit all?
Obviously....this is speaking directly about a person in denial since....a person not in denial and not full of defense mechanisms preventing them fro hearing you ....these are all strategies to break through to understanding...when simply saying so up front is not working and you tried everything else aleady?
But also saying in respect to these differences sometimes.....no amount of teaching or explaining is going to give someone else your experience and the reasons why you feel the way you do. Sometimes....it's just different ...which is that case...it's just a waste of time to try and get them to feel the same way as you do......ever!!! Trying to get them to "feel" the same way as you do....is actually a disrespect to them...and manipulative on your part on top of it? If they're not doing this with you...and you're doing this with them....then this is all on you...and your own failure in seeing this and not accepting the differences and establishing boundaries with mutual respect instead?
And in respect to Penguins....if you hate them that much...then maybe...you should be where they are in the first place? Nothing wrong with Penguins....as long as they aren't a problem for you? Know what I mean? LOL
J
taste of own medicine
Submitted by inthedark on
Thanks Adele for your reply. Yes, I don't think it would work either, and it would be exhausting! I don't think I could not answer his calls either, if he does call that is, just to get him back, and someone else mentioned cancelling plans that they've made at the last minute, I don't think I could do that either, just not me. They just don't seem to have any emotion. As I say this is all quite new to me. Thanks for your advice about walking away, sounds like the only solution. I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend detailing his past relationships, my boyfriend hasn't done that, that is very disrespectful and insulting. He was disrespectful to me during intimacy with TMI, but I put him in his place and he hasn't done it since. thanks again.
Yeah, here's the thing
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I only got about halfway through your post and Ia had to reply. When I'm talking about "too much information", that my boyfriend has supplied me about other women I'm talking about how hot they are how big their boobs are and what they were like in bed. Because after he says those things and I've said that I don't need to hear about it .. I feel sick to my stomach when he says these things. he says that I shouldn't compare myself to other women. If he really loved me he would stop talking about it and stop bringing it up. It has nothing to do with my fluctuating self-esteem or my poor body image. No woman wants to hear her boyfriend talk about his sister-in-law and how he knows her boobs are fake and he has seen her naked etcetera etcetera.. I don't want to know these details. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if I talked about the man I cheated on my ex-husband with. How big his penis was how skilled he was in bed and how it was the best sex I've ever had in my life I'm sure he wouldn't like it... so in this case me giving him a taste of his own medicine would not work
None.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I'm in tears thinking about this. For me it's a matter of respect.
I should probably stay off the websites and forums when it comes to me posting my feelings. I was married to 17 years to an abusive man I will never again be told what to think or how to feel by anyone especially a man. It's bull... and I'm entitled to my feelings.
And entitled to your own boundaries
Submitted by NowOrNever (not verified) on
Adele, sorry to hear that you're being exposed, from time to time, or have been, to that lack of discretion by your partner. I think along your lines. Yes, it's a matter of respect, especially after you've clearly made your wishes known.
In my case it's also a boundary that I have for myself. Any boundary that I have is my job to take care of, even though I would HOPE that my friends and family, knowing my boundaries would respect them. I do not tolerate the content of the kind of TMI you occasionally get. I don't tell anyone what to think or desire. I do have limits on how I'm treated, and there's nothing wrong with that.
There is a correlation between respecting people in conversation and respecting them physically.
...
To the OP.... I'd never do tit for tat.
It doesn't work.
It especially doesn't work with the following situations
a) the person you're interacting with has a double standard
b) the person you're interacting with has some version of it's OK to do this to (fill in the blank: wives, children, women, members of the household) but not OK to do to other people
c) the person you're interacting with doesn't notice or remember what he/she did in the first place.
d) the person you're interacting with is quite short on social education.
Adele I'm Sorry You Had to Go Through This
Submitted by kellyj on
I don't need to go through my own abuse again here with you...but I can tell you how sorry I am and feel your pain? I'm not the best always at expressing my sympathies and I do try and keep my head up and see the brighter side of things with my humor...but just knowing what this is like in a the sense of that prolonged exposure is something that I can relate with and you have my deepest sympathies.
I think what I finally got from what you are saying...the last part of my post about being "chastised"...is really what you are saying? I do think this is part of it...and I only wanted to add something here that may be relevant to you? This is part of what took me so long to figure out myself and why this sometimes seems so out of place and not understandable? This is not going to help your resolve it...but it may help you better connect what you are seeing in the moment which is really the case? Possibly?
As I have experienced myself....there is a delay in what you may be hearing...to something that happened in the past? Maybe quite some time in the past that there is no way of knowing what that is? This is like it festers inside a person like this for so long..it finally comes out in this passive aggressive way...so much later...that you have no way of knowing what this is all about? Jealousy? Envy? Being offended or even just a minor infraction in something you said that was perceived wrong or taken out of context and then sits and smolders for a while before it finally comes to the surface?
All I can do...is offer possibilities here? I have no way of knowing exactly what is going on...exactly? For you or anyone here...mostly I just throw out possible scenarios ..and see if they stick or resonate with you. Not all men ( or woman ) are like what you experienced however but it is disrespectful....no doubt? Everyone is entitled to their feelings and it's ridiculous to think otherwise? Just so you know....I'm a man...and I don't see this any different than you? But the truth is the truth no matter who says it....I hope that you can find a way to resolve those feelings and not carry them around with you that makes every man the same in your eyes...as if all men or women who are abusive...condemn the whole lot?
What I can relate with without question..is the effect this has on you and how those feelings never really go away? And since they never truly go away....finding a way to be at peace with them and put them to rest is a very difficult thing to do? The hurt never disappear entirely...but it can be changed to something that you can live with and not effect you in a negative way any longer? I know it can be done...because I've had to do this myself but it ain't easy...and that much I can relate with and send you my sympathies along with my hope that you find a way to resolve this for yourself and move past it so it will not have the effect it has on you any more? Oh course your entitled to your feelings....it would be absurd to think otherwise? I think NowOrNever is right....for some, there is this double standard in their head...that says what is not right for you...is right for them and think more than anything else.....this can be applied to anyone no matter what gender you are? I for one..do not share this type of thinking...so you can be sure....I'm not telling you what to think or how to feel if there is any question in your mind on that? Mostly....I'm just making a stab based on my own experience and especially with my wife now...who kind of suffers from this double standard way of thinking which only proves to me...that it can happen with anyone ...but mainly from being abused in the past themselves and it getting passed on this way?
My fear and only hope to offer you...is that you do not succumb to this yourself from your experience? It is insidious and has a way of doing that to a person no matter who you are? What ever it is that ends up with anger or hatred inside you..is the very thing that causes this and gets passed on down the line. I'm of the mind that says the buck stops here so with that...I only hope for you...is that it does with my deepest sympathies about your past?
J
Hello, J
Submitted by NowOrNever (not verified) on
There doesn't always have to be an old or unresolved life wound behind a present reaction.
By the time people are adults, they have made decisions for themselves and have standards for how they expect to be treated.
LOL I Understand!!!
Submitted by kellyj on
Yes...that's a bit different than Penguins! lol Boy...I don't know what to think about that? What I do know at times with my wife (also ADHD ) is she'll say the most off the wall things and a lot of those things are just hurtful sounding but at the same time....I think she's trying to say something to me personally which I've come to understand...has nothing to do with me? I think with here sometimes...these are just random thoughts she's having but actually speaks them "out loud"? Honestly? It's like if you if you were having any of those personal thoughts that you shared that ( yes...I would not appreciate what so ever lol ) but more like talking to herself....but actually "talking out loud" and sharing everything she's thinking about with me sitting there listening and thinking that "why am I hearing this? What does this have to do with the price of tea in China...let alone....ME???" And it's really hard not to want to try and relate to this yourself and personalize it to you even if this is not happening?
I think this is verbal processing for the sound of it? Unformed ideas and thoughts with no conclusions drawn...and just spitting then out there at random in an attempt to?????? I don't know? I'm not in my wife's head to understand exactly what she is thinking? Mainly...she is just wanting me there to listen to her talk and help her process ....but actually....gets irritated with me when I do? LOL
"Here...I want some help processing?" And then..." You know...sometimes...a person just wants to be heard and not have anyone offer help!!" ( irritated!!! ) LOL
"but, you said....????? I don;t understand???? Then why am I here????? Huh?????" lol
You know....from a guys perspective....you'd have to be pretty dense...to not understand why saying these things would not be received well and I think that's the point? This just sounds like plain old passive aggressiveness and hitting below the belt if you ask me? My wife will pop off with this crap too...and I think it really comes down to the very thing I was actually asking about in my T's office recently...when I brought this up with him in his office about this very thing? As he put it....it's almost ( if not ) a compulsive kind of...."going through the paces" of expelling "frustration" or "disappointment"....done in the form of Chastising you. At least this is how it comes across from my wife...as an immediate reaction to a perceived offense of some kind that mainly...doesn't exist or even so minor to you....it's not even on the radar?
With my wife..I know where it comes from and that were her own mother...who did this at the drop of a hat everyone she went all the time!! I'll never forget....going to visit her mother when she was in rehab...and I dropped my wife and brother off at the door and went to park the car. As I was dropping them off...3 people were just going into the building ahead of my wife and brother and then I went and parked and then walked in only a few minutes behind them. OMG...it's almost too funny it was so bad!!! lol I walk in the door...and the first thing I see...standing in the lobby right in front of the check in desk...is her mother...."chastising away on this man ( the one who just walked in with the two other people ) and him looking like he wanted to slug her!!! LOL She was just ripping him a new one...and for what? WHO KNOWS?? lol He might have been there all of 3 minutes before I got there...so that's not much time to do anything much...and probably nothing at all but looked at her cross eyed or blew his nose wrong or.....who knows? lo And this man....was just a visitor with what looked like other family members to come see a relative him selves...and now there's this irate woman...chewing him out for who knows what...and him looking like he was about to go off on her until he realized that he was dealing with a crazy woman and just walked away from her with his family?
And literally....the woman at the desk....the other attendants that worked there....my wife and her bother...other people in the waiting area..and me....all thinking the same thing ( and behaving the same way ) Thinking...".the last thing I'm going to do...is say anything and bring that wrath of God....down on me??" lol And even when I took my wife aside and asked her what that was all about...she said " don't ask....apparently this guy did something that got my mom all riled up." Which in my experience with her....could be anything? Her mother was beyond a hair trigger...more like Nitro Glycerin being transported by horse back!! lol yikes!!
But even my T who I related that instance too....brought this up in what had just happened to him only and hour before when he went to lunch at an outdoor lunch cart near where he worked. It was late in the afternoon as he recalled...and he was behind this woman who apparently...had ordered the "beef"...and was standing there looking really surly...when he asked if she was in line? And she said to him " I've been standing her for 15 minutes waiting for my order and it's not come yet"...which he said she was not happy by the sound of it and kind of snapped at my T for asking which had nothing do with whether she was in line or not...which was what he asked her in the first place? But the people in the cart heard her and one of them said...."is there any beef left...I think were out". And the cook stated rather emphatically..."were closing in 10 minutes and I'm not cooking any more beef!!!" And in context to everything that my T saw happening....they had already told her once...the exact same thing but she was not hearing it...and was standing there waiting for what they already told her...she wasn't getting? But they had pork and chicken left and that was an option which he ordered the chicken and then started walking away. And as he was walking away...he heard this woman grouching something back at the people about how he got served but lost the rest of it as he was walking away. But he said...as he glanced back to just take a quick look to see what was going down...this woman was still standing there all pissed off and the people in the cart were starting to shut the place down and completely ignoring her?
As he explained this to me...he said it's this compulsion...to punish those who disappoint them in some way? In there mind...it's not about them not communicating that they aren't going to get what they want....it's the fact, that not getting what they want in the first place...being disappointed or frustrated.....now demands satisfaction...ie: punishment for this offense?
So this woman at the food cart...wasn't standing there being a pain in the ass because she did not understand that they were out of beef. It was the fact...that they were out...and she wanted beef...and it cook wasn't going to cook up a whole big batch just for her...since they were shutting down in 10 minutes and they were out...and he refused to cook up an entire batch of beef for 20 people...just so she could have her sandwich...and so now they need to be punished in the form of her standing there glaring at them and snapping at any customers who came up for service like my T. And then snapping back at them and pointing out how...he got served..and she didn't?
But the point my T made and I made as well? Why not just get the chicken or pork..and be done with it?? This...as I am calling it....."Bone Head" mentality. LOL Or....there's always one in every crowd! lol
Saying...this is exactly like the story I posted yesterday...about my two friends ( brothers ) who when we were teenagers rounding up the chickens on their farm that one day...and the younger brother became obsessed with this one problematic chicken...and tore the yard apart on his motorcycle trying to chase it down...which finally ended up with him running it over..and then backing his rear tire up on this poor chicken..and disintegrating it into small pieces and a mass of feathers everywhere? All because this chicken has been so quick and was able to avoid him and he got so worked up and frustrated with it trying to catch it....that for all that pain and frustration that this chicken put him through....now it needed punishing in the form of obliteration from the planet for not behaving properly? lol As it...this chicken...wanted to get it's head cut off and should have just lined up and walked himself up the the chopping block?? LOL
And this is exactly what we use to call him ( my friends younger brother )..."Bone Head"....with "Bone Head Mentalty"LOL
So in respect to this...if I am correct at all in what I think you are seeing? ( if it's the same thing? ) Then it's totally passive aggressive...and the best thing you can do is just walk away from it and don't feed into it? It's exactly what my T said too? Andy energy you put into this at all....like him simply asking him this woman was waiting in line...is going to come back you in the form of "chastising" ie: reprimand...with a beating...and punishment for your offense. what ever it is that is perceived that you did to offend them? Like a bull dog going after aa piece of meat!!! LOL
Like I said....this chicken...clearly needed to punished...for running for it's life..and being so difficult to catch? Not so hard to figure out why this chicken would want to get away from him? lol That part seems clearly obvious that doesn't need to be explained which is totally irrelevant to the frustration and disappointment...of the chicken....not behaving in the way "Bone Head" wanted it too? That's what this is really all about?
So the answer there in this particular case? The last thing you'd want to do....is try and do this back as a means to "show them what this is like?" Like....avoid this like the plague!!! That's my two bits on "Bone Head Mentality" right there when it rears it's ugly head? By doing so...you'd be like in an arcade shooting gallery with targets that pop up at random....you'd be putting yourself in line with all the other targets..and then begging to be shot!! LOL In other words....you'd be "asking for it".....in those exact words pardon me?
J