Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on 11/02/2016.
I had been debating for a while how to talk to him about when he was leaving - but he brought it up.
He asked if I had decided about me letting him stay until March. I said no.
I told him that it would be best for him to leave by the end of December. he is angry and left. I am so broken up about this. I never wanted this.
But i will be OK. I will be OK. I will be OK. I have a good life, am a good person and will find happiness, peace and joy.
You WILL be oK
Submitted by jennalemone on
From my standpoint, you will be better than OK. Because you will come from a place where you tried and tried but were left with frustration. And soon you will try and make sense of your life. I am sorry you are in this situation. I know how it feels to have put your efforts, time, money, dreams, trust...everything into a - a - a- hope/future. And then one day realize that it all will not turn out like you had hoped or planned. You will be OK. And that is all you have to be right now. VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY OK. You don't have to be happy or morose. Just be VERY OK. Life happens. Everyone accepts that. Your friends and family will accept that. You are VERY OK. Maybe a little sad, but OK.
Spacey Stacy - I will add to this.....
Submitted by jennalemone on
I am "celebrating" our 42nd anniversary tonight. I had made plans with our dear friends who are also celebrating their anniversary this week but we are putting it back....someone is sick. Anyway, in keeping with what I am doing these days with H, I am not persuing, planning, suggesting, hinting, arranging, suggesting like I have done for over 40 years.....I am just waiting and watching. So far, today, H has talked to me one time....even though we are both home during the day. He said we should buy the $50,000 each tickets to the world series for our anniversary that were for sale right now....then went on to say how hilarious that was....so much money.....hahahahah.... That is all he had.
I am having a glass of wine and got dressed and manicured and beautiful. Later I will probably go to my 100 year old neighbor friend to share a glass of wine with her. I won't tell her about the anniversary....she has a bit of dimentia and tends to get her life mixed up with what I say and I try to be cheerful with her.
Stacy, please go through with this separation. Don't take his back-pedaling sales pitch to stay on through the winter. Sooooooo many times H and I were where you are now and we came to .... I came to..... a compromise and decided to "try again". Promises, memories, financials, fear....all come with transiition and change. CHANGE. My biggest regrets are all the times I backed off on my determination to find my own way without H. He is a salesman. GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!!!!! I wish I could be with you there. You need support. Find some. Stay strong.
Yes.. You will just fine..
Submitted by sophiesmom on
Yes.. You will just fine.. : ) Stay strong.. This is for the best!! My spouse doesn't want to stay on medication and doesn't care anything about me or how I feel. I know that he doesn't want to try and make our marriage better so I need to find strength and leave for good.. It's the only way I think I'll be free.
You're doing the right thing,
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
You're doing the right thing, Stacey. I know it's hard, and sometimes you'll feel like crud, but you'll survive. You're so strong!
Love to you, Stacey.
Submitted by NowOrNever (not verified) on
Love to you, Stacey.
My heart goes out to you.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
You are doing the right thing..
I filed for divorce 7 years ago after 17 years of marriage. Even though it was what I wanted and I knew it was for the best, I still felt sad and empty afterwards. You can't see it now, but things will get better with time,
Thankyou so much everyone.
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
Thankyou so much everyone. Reading your support this morning has been very helpful. I feel so sad and heartbroken about this. My heart feels empty. But I know its just the transition that is doing this to me. Because I have been unhappy for so long, and all he ever did was give me enough to keep me on the hook so HE could get what he wanted. I feel so used.
I know you are all correct - this is the right thing, I mean - I came to the realization that I was done back in spring when he said he only wanted to be married when he was in the mood. I went through ALL kinds of emotions, rage, hurt - you name it. I know most of you have been with me through this whole ordeal - and know the weird sudden changes he made that were for the better. Of course what ended up happening is falling back into our comfortable routine. I mean - we clearly have a VERY comfortable, pleasant life together (the only issues we really had were his problems with lying, and then him always running away/leaving/threatening to leave when he was caught) so i fell back into it. All the while I had it in my mind that I was not going to do this anymore, that I would not live another moment of my life concerning myself with someone who clearly was unable to care for me. I had been wondering how and when to talk to him - funny how I was planning on talking to him in the evening after dinner, when he walked up to me while I was working to ask if I had decided anything. You know - I REALLY think that had he just said, I want to rethink our marriage, and put on his ring, I would have embraced that. He has shown me that he has it in him to be an awesome husband. But he is two people - the guy on the inside and then the mask he wears to protect himself (born from the CSA he had to endure). The mask wins every time. So I have to let the man who I love - the man inside that mask go.
Oh gosh it hurts... but I know deep down I deserve better. I deserve someone who will not forget about me in thier life. I deserve someone who can get over their own uncomfortableness and inconvinience for the sake of US - just like I have done for over 7 years. I deserve more than someone who does mean things, emotionally kicking me when I am down and then claiming ignorance. I deserve someone who has enough respect for me AND themselves to own their actions and not lie. I deserve to be with a man who has good character and has honor - not someone who's word is only as good as his mood.
I will hurt for a while, no doubt - but I know a REALLY good future awaits me. Thanks to support from all of you - I really feel I am making the right choice. He was angry with me, but he has no right to be. He was also angry that his mom told him that I felt he was wanting to stay until March since that was when I got my bonus. I told him that I DID think that, that looking back the only times he worked on our relationship was because he needed something handled financially. Every. Single. Time. Sucks to be someone's wallet instead of wife.
After all - he said "I decided a long time ago it would never work"..... and yet he came back and said his future was with me. Only one reason someone does that when they are with someone who is a bread winner... money.
He has no right to be angry with me. He left after I told him and opened his own bank account. He did give me back my card to our joint account. I think 2 months is plenty of time for him to figure things out, esspecially since he knew so long ago it wasnt going to work. Its not my fault he didnt take action to build his life - *I* took action to start working on my own life.
Stacey, you held your ground, it's okay
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Stacey, You WILL be OKAY.....you held your ground, and that is OKAY TOO. I know all too well how sad and hurt you are, because when I actually left, I cried most of the time, and many different "little" things would set me off. But, I also had been crying for months and years before that. It is so hard to know that everything I had put my heart, soul, mind, and entire life into, didn't work. ,Some days I was overwhelmed in disbelief, hurt, and shame. I just turned 60 about a week ago, and being in poorer health, was on top of what I was already dealing with. But, I am better, and it will continue. Yes, it's slow, I guess because I'm old now, (lol) and everything seems to go slower these days, but I have had peace of mind that I haven't had since well.....I don't KNOW when.
You WILL be okay, and I'm praying for you, and God does answer prayer.(And, I'm not just "saying" that) I have put you and many others on my prayer list, and there's someone who is bigger than all of us, and it is God, (and the power of prayer) I'm not trying to 'preach", seriously. Prayer has been the number one thing that has seen me through many difficult days. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel.