I'm quite new to trying to find answers and help...I. The ADHD spouse, and my wife is a sufferer of Bipolar I. She sees things so clearly, and has no hesitation or indecision
I, however, suffer incessantly from self doubt, paralysis during crisis, and an inability to prioritize. The difference in our personalities is stark, and infuriating, to her.
I am over 40, and have read a lot, learned a lot, and have ideas how to address our problems and rebuild our relationship. But we've been married 17years, have two wonderful children, and she has been seeking therapy for years. I am seen as complacent, drifting, inconsistent, and not taking our problems seriously. And I don't deny it. I try, I want to change. I make efforts every day, but I haven't made enough measureable progress and it's been way too long. My wife informed me today that trying to a ave us is no longer an option, and I need to focus on not screwing up the kids.
I didn't learn enough soon enough. My advice is never ignore a diagnosis, and learn TOGETHER as much as you can as early as you can. Make a plan, seek help, don't ever let it slide.
Maybe I am an optimist, but I
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
Maybe I am an optimist, but I dont believe in "never too late". Rricenator, I would say to take your own advice... you are here, you are seeking help - that is more than most will do. It can be very hard to sustain an effort to improve your situation, even if you DONT have ADHD, so I can imagine its 1000 times harder for you.
What are your ideas? Have you tried to start implementing them? Can you start with 1 or 2 small things that you can do consistently to SHOW her that you mean it? Being with an ADHD partner can take its toll, especially when the diagnosis is not taken seriously - and symptom management is inconsistent and drifting as you put it. You have to find something to latch on to and stick to it like everything is hanging on it. Buy yourself some post it notes and put them everywhere. If you have a smart phone - download apps that will give you reminders to get things done.
Do exactly what you said - make a plan, seek help and follow that plan. Be open about it, and even if she doesnt respond at first (I suspect she will not believe its for real or that it will last) KEEP AT IT. Dont look at this as doing it for her, do it for YOU. You need to focus on yourself, create that plan. Follow through - FOR YOURSELF. Even if she NEVER comes around, you will be teaching yourself how to better function in your life and with others. You cannot go wrong with that you know?
Dont give up... I bet if your wife can see you be the opposite of what you said you were, over time.. she will believe in you again. Dont give up my friend! Rise to the challenge! :-)