The doctor I had originally left for another job and I was transferred to another doctor in the same clinic. She seemed fine, although getting appointments has been difficult as she's only in the office Wednesday mornings and Friday afternoons, and she's always booked up. After many struggles with getting prescriptions on time/running out of meds due to the nature of taking a controlled substance and needing a paper prescription every month, she suggested I see a psychiatrist so that I could get better treatment because she doesn't know much about ADD. Great, I thought....

So I found a doctor in-network that said she focused on ADD & learning disabilities in kids as well as adults and made an appointment and went to my primary care doctors office and filled out a form to have my records faxed to her.

first appointment comes and the doctor spends the most of the appointment asking me about my insurance and records. I explain to her that i've filled out the forms and the woman I spoke to said she'd sent them the same day. She shuffled some papers in my folder and I THOUGHT she said she had them there.

Today I arrive at my appointment and she insists she doesn't have my records and never got them. I told her she had them the last time we met - that I remember her looking at them. She told me I was imagining things and spent 20 minutes on the phone with my doctor's office, all the while asking me questions (ie; date of birth or address etc.) then shushing me when I answered because suddenly she needed to listen to the person on the phone.  I don't know about y'all, but I HATE it when someone shushes me, especially if they've JUST ASKED ME A QUESTION. Then after all of that, she tells me that the blood work i've had done isn't recent enough and I need to have it all done again and sent to her. so that wasted a total of 30 minutes.

Then she asks me what dose I'm on. I tell her that I'm taking 50-60 mg daily, but recently just 40. (20 at 6am and 20 at 2pm). She already had this information from the last time, but either didn't write it down or didn't bother to look at her notes. She then looks at me and says, "That's crazy. There's no way you're taking 20 mg at 6am and another 20 at 2pm.... that's just crazy." There's a long silence because I'm confused. I don't know if she's accusing me of lying, telling me she thinks my doctor's prescribed too much or she's telling ME that I'M crazy.... Then, she says it again: "There's just NO WAY you're taking that much adderall and sleeping 6-7 hours a night." I don't know what to say, because I was feeling attacked and like many other ADDers when I feel attacked I get confused and I shut down and can't think of anything to say. Finally I just say something like, "I'm sorry... I don't understand... I don't know what to tell you and I don't understand what you're trying to say and I don't know why you don't believe me." And she just said, "well... I just think it's very unusual."

So she tells me she wants to 'taper me off' the medication and she wants me to take one 30mg capsule per day in the morning and then eventually get me down to 20 mg. She says that nobody should take more than 20mg per day total. I know LOTS of people who take more than that and told her so... she dismissed that as people not going to good doctors who know what they're doing. I'm thinking suddenly that I just want to STOP taking medication altogether because i'm so damned sick of the expense and hassle of doctors and the shame of people thinking i'm on some joyride. I left and felt really stunned and confused and angry and I don't know what to do.

Am I correct in thinking that after I've done the necessary paperwork to release my records that it is HER responsibility to follow up? I have NO WAY of knowing whether she's received them if she doesn't tell me. She had a month to tell me she hadn't received them and could have told me YESTERDAY - when she called to confirm the appointment - that she didn't have them. I have to say, the first appointment I got a bad feeling, but I tried to keep an open mind.... I thought her office (which is basically just her apartment) was grungy and that she looked kind of slovenly and unkempt herself. I didn't want to judge or let someone's appearance get in the way, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking, "Ok, if SHE'S a mess how the hell can she help ME??"

So I was upset all evening and after the kids got to bed I told my husband about it and he was annoyed and thinks maybe I should find someone else. It's such a huge pain in the ass to start this process all over again that I thought maybe I could give it a try and just go once a month to get my script and get on with my life, but I know if I'm angry every time I see this woman, I can't open up to her and whatever 'therapy' she has to offer won't help.

The kicker? when I got into bed, I was coughing and got up and went to the bathroom to take some Zyrtec. But, since i'm in such a befuddled/anxious/angry state, guess what I took instead???? That's right: 20 mg. of Adderall. I got back into bed and when I realized what i'd done, I sat up and exclaimed "&(^%$#!!! and DH asked what was wrong and I revealed Daily Stupid Thing Ellemenno Has Done #56. He told me to go make myself puke it up. Well, I have never tried to make myself puke before and I followed his instructions but could only get up a bit of crumbs from a cupcake i'd just eaten. I had to stop trying because it was just too painful & unpleasant. So I took a nap from midnight til 1:40am. and now here I am, with a bad stomachache & reflux searching the internet for answers...

*sigh*

Anyone out there either still awake or in Europe?? help? someone? should I take a tylenol pm?

Ellamenno