I sometimes think my severely ADD husband would rather be tortured to death than agree that I might be right about anything or show me any empathy about anything. It doesn't whether I start a sentence with the word I, you, we, they or Santa Claus it is twisted in his head and heard as a personal attack on his manhood or me telling him what to do. I am so sick of fighting and being the only one in this marriage willing to try to solve problems instead of ignoring them. And we've had just enough counseling that he uses it against me in an argument. "I'm just responding the way the counselor said to"..."I'm not talking because you said you want me to listen." Everything is twisted and manipulated and he is never accountable for anything in this relationship. Nothing I say is ever right nor is the way I handle anything. A very frustrating way to live.
Tired of dysfunction
Submitted by Beachlover68 on 04/28/2014.
same
Submitted by boilergirl on
DH's way is the only way. Whether that be dishes, making a chore chart for the kids, etc. He also twists things. I am always amazed how HE ends up not talking to ME when he was the one in the wrong. I am tired of being the one to initate any kind of serious conversation about our marriage (he doesn't like them, I know.) I am fed up b/c he has yet to make an appt. for a mental health evaluation (long story, but this is a legal requirement for him.) He is a 37 year old man. I have brought this up several times, yet I can't do it for him. This tells me he does not want to work on himself. My feelings for him are just numb now. I am done trying make an attempt to fufill his sexual needs when there is zero emotional connection.
I know that every marriage has its issues, but I would like to make a list of some of the things DH has said and done during our marriage. I would want people who seem to have a good relationship with their spouse to read it and tell me what they think. Is this stuff their husband does? Or will they looked shocked? I think being married to someone with ADHD makes you lose sight of what is "normal"behavior. I mean, doesn't every guy rip a door of its hinges when his son's pinewood derby car breaks the week before the race?
Interesting concept
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
bldr,
When I first started dating my spouse, way back in 1982, I did not realize "he could dish it out, but could not take it."
If I said, "You make me so happy," he would say, "You mean 'What I am doing causes you happiness.'"
Once we married, he developed a habit to correct what I said. Especially if I was talking to someone else and he happened to overhear. If I said something like 'My son. . . my daughter. . . . my apartment. . . . . my car. . . . .' my spouse jumped in to correct me by loudly stating, "You mean 'OUR son. . . .OUR daughter. . . .OUR apartment.....OUR car."
I never was able to tell a joke, as he butting in to adjust what I said. If I was recanting something that happened, he butted in to adjust unimportant details.
I look back and am appalled I allowed him to get away with it.
All gifts and cards were automatically from 'us.' One year I was ill, and asked him to stop and get a Mother's Day card for his Mom. Imagine my shock when I saw it on her piano a few weeks later, signed with only my spouse's name.
What a pain it is to preface telling a joke by saying to my spouse, "Look, I am telling this joke MY WAY. The only thing that really matters is if I get the punch line right."
Ah well, at this stage of our lives, he is very rarely around anyway. He stays home, with his stuff, in his garage. He needs everyone to agree with him - on politics, religion, how to do a job, how to think. How sad for him. He cannot agree to disagree. He does not believe there are 100 ways to do every job right. He cannot accept he ever makes any mistakes. He stays alone where he does not have to work on any sort of social skills.
walking on eggshells
Submitted by [email protected] on
blder, I read your post and thought...my gosh, this sounds like my spouse. I have been dealing with this type of behavior as long as I remember. I am so tired of not being able to just speak what I think and not worry that he will take it the wrong way or will think/say that I am telling him what to do and that I am always the villian in all situations and he is the victim. He will always find someone to blame. It's never him.
I am so glad I found this forum. I have been reading for the past few days and am shocked that what I have been putting up with for the past 14 years is not the norm. I dont even know what norm is anymore.
This has been frustrating me
Submitted by MFrances on
This has been frustrating me so much this last week (well always but sometimes it's on the back burner to other frustrating traits). He has always been like this. If I say something needs repaired he doesn't believe me. If I want something upgraded or improved he doesn't agree. But if he wants something he does it right away. This always drove me nuts from the beginning of our marriage. I wonder if he is purposely disagreeing to try to pick a fight to stimulate his brain with fighting or what? Is this an ADHD symptom/trait or is it a character/personality trait of always having to be right? Someone said "he can dish it out but can't take it", that could be my husband's and his family's motto. They always said that to each other when we were dating.