We went out this past Saturday. We went to the zoo and then to a bar for a few hours. We got home about 9:30 and I immediately just wanted to go to bed. H is of course drunk even though he seemed fine most of the ride home. We go zipping past our driveway and before I can ask H where we are going he pulls on the emergency brake and does a 180° turn in the middle of the road right in front of our neighbors who are outside in their driveway. He thinks he is oh-so-cool and I just want to crawl under the seat. Then we get inside and he immediately takes his guitar out into the garage and plugs it into the amp and turns it all the way up and starts rocking out! It is 9:30! Our neighbor did the same thing at 9PM but much more softly a few weeks earlier and H couldn't shut up about it being 9PM and why the hell is he playing that late at night. He then finds me in bed and wants to have sex. I tell him I'm tired and I don't want to. OMG wrong thing to say! He lays there fuming and sighing. He gets up and goes out into the living room for 1/2 hour. I go out and see if he is okay and he gives me the cold shoulder. He comes back and sits up and reads in bed and is just deeply sighing. Yes I get it..you're pissed that I turned you down for once in my life! All night he sleeps as far away form me as possible and doesn't touch me.
The next morning I say "You were pretty mad at me last night, huh?" He goes "Yeah I was a little put off by it". Oh you were huh? So you are expecting me to apologize to you? Forget it! You want to play this game? Okay then, let me tell you what I'm "put off" by! I'm "put off" at the fact that I have to pay every bill every month without hardly any help from you because you decide you don't want to work for days/weeks at a time and feel I should be okay with that. I have to pay AT LEAST an extra $1200/month to cover your share. I'm "put off" by the fact on some days you do leave the house on time but don't go to work and instead go have breakfast somewhere waiting for me to leave and then come home and act like you were at work the whole day. I'm "put off" by the fact that that morning you had the nerve to ask me to give you $200 to cover your credit card payments and loan payments. I didn't tell him any of this but I wanted to.
So it's perfectly fine for him to get mad and expect an apology over that, but I've been paying bills and giving him money for years and I should be perfectly content with that?
Mapper, How is it that you
Submitted by Standing on
Mapper, How is it that you are able to tell him you don't want to have sex
but you do not tell him about the money issues?
I have often been so reluctant to say No to sex, even when I did not want it, but it's easier for me to speak up about money.
Well I didn't actually say no
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Well I didn't actually say no to sex, I just was sort of moving away from him when he tried and moanign that I was tired and then he just said "fine" and left in a huff..
Oh, that's what I have often done
Submitted by Standing on
and I get the same response... lots of huffing and puffing and heavy sighs, flopping around like a fish, leaving, returning, leaving again. I figure that's how he feels inside any time he does not get what he wants at exactly the moment he wants it.
And he tells me I never
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
And he tells me I never initiate. That's because the few times I have tried, he says "Oh I'm just not feeling it right now". Well here's a taste of your own medicine!
Yes, I hear the same thing!
Submitted by Standing on
But usually when he tells me that, my husband is upset with me because of something HE has done. I could be totally off base, but seems to me that's the tack he takes whenever he's screwed up and I do not even have to mention his mistake, he just pulls out that well-worn line. Another of his favorites: "when was the last time you came up and put your hand on my shoulder?!!?" (spoken in his most severe prosecutorial tone).