Submitted by SarahCBrown on 03/10/2015.
Hello, I am new here and am glad that I found this forum. How do you handle disagreements with someone with ADHD? My H is ADHD and I am at the point, after 5-years, of avoiding all disagreements with him because some how they always get turned around to how I am the overly sensitive unrealistic person in the relationship as I sit there in tears after being told to go F*** off. Of course I'm going to be sensitive to being told that by someone who says that they love me and whom I deeply love. Sometimes I feel as though maybe I AM the crazy sensitive one who is too easily hurt. But when I talk to my close friends about it, they are all in agreement that this is not normal. Please help!!
I'm going to go out on a limb
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I'm going to go out on a limb: even though I don't know you, I'm going to say that you're NOT crazy, that you're not overly sensitive, and that your husband's behavior is not normal.
I feel the same way!
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
I never argue with my H because it will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be turned around to make me look like I'm wrong or too critical or too sensitive or don't understand. I feel the same way "Am I crazy?" Just like the whole thing as we were facing each other about him telling me the button was on the left of the table saw. I looked and looked and he kept saying "on the left". He said it three times as I kept searching on the left side until I finally said nearly in tears "This IS my left!" and he said "MY left". He didn't tell me that and when I told him he said the left he said "Well when someone facing you is saying the left they mean theirs". Really? And you couldn't have told me that or explained that to me rather than shouting it louder and louder hoping I'd figure it out? All the while me looking and feeling like an idiot!
I'm right there with you
Submitted by SarahCBrown on
I feel your pain Mapper. He will go around and around and around yelling the same thing over and over and when I'm not getting it, I'm the idiot who is comprehending. Something as little as training our dog to go potty. What I'm having a hard time with is his demeaning words and then refusing to see that those words have hurt me deeply. When I confront him about the hurt, he says that I'm either too sensitive or that I took him out of context. I'm nor sure how I can take what he said the other night out of context??
No excuse for it....It's just wrong!....
Submitted by c ur self on
Please do not confuse ADHD with a heart that spills out a mouth w/ those words and actions...And then makes an excuse for himself by blaming you....Do not take this...Or you will be taking it from now on....I suggest counseling...I good counselor will eat him up for that...He will never let him use his fast mind as an excuse for verbal abuse.
Just my opinion....Blessing!
Expressing hurt feelings
Submitted by SarahCBrown on
Thank you all for the comments. How do you express to your H's the hurt that you feel without them turning it around onto you? Right now we are not talking, which is the norm after a blow-up, and him pretending as though nothing happened other than avoiding me because he says that I'm too emotional to be reasonable with.
SCB the blow up's, the not speaking...it's just a cycle....
Submitted by c ur self on
I was to emotional to be reasoned with many times also...He is probably right... But to break the cycle of these emotional episodes...I had to ask myself why? Why do you keep pouring your heart out to someone who's whole life is built around protecting themselves, making excuses for their behavior and doing everything in their power to keep the focus on you....You are NO match for him...I wasn't for her either....Anyone who wants to be honest, open and communicate truthfully about the facts, with a person who is a stone wall of denial will always be over matched...Denial runs so deep, it's permanent blindness...And that's not just adhd it's a heart matter....
I do not know your state....I dealt with this cycle for 4 years...until I got angry and bitter, it consumed me emotionally and physiologically...The Lord mercifully delivered me from my anger and bitterness, when I got my focus off her living of life, and on my messed up state of mind...Thankfully I'm experiencing his peace most days now. :) You will never control him, or make him see his actions by your reactions, (unless your reaction is to walk away from disrespect in any form)....Focus on you!...I suggest you never engage anything he does are says that is not wise, loving and and brings honor to you and the marriage....That is the only way to deal with abuse, and disrespect...Do not let anything he does or says define you, If you allow it, your self esteem will suffer, Don't allow it!...Be accountable for your actions....But don't allow him to drag you into his crap....Be Strong!
Sarah, that is exactly what I
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Sarah, that is exactly what I go through too. If I disengage and mope around and avoid saying anything to him, he will actually say to me "What's wrong?" You are kidding right?! I'm always overly sensitive and blow things out of proportion. I never ever get an apology for the way he treats me. He just tries to be all nice to me afterwards because he knows he was a jerk. If I don't come around then he starts getting angry at me for being angry at him.