Submitted by PoisonIvy on 09/16/2016.
I'm not angry or frustrated any more about the issue below, but I know most people here read the Anger and Frustration group topics, so I decided to put it here. Spouses and partners of people with ADHD, how many of you relate to the following?
My divorce was final in May. I had two primary goals with the divorce: crafting a fair and close to equal division of the property; and arranging the divorce process and post-divorce matters in such a way that my now ex-H would have to do as little as possible. So, for example, although it's not necessarily better for me financially to have the house, it makes total sense from the point of view of my and ex-H's relative strengths, because if he had the house, he wouldn't be paying the associated bills, he wouldn't be cleaning it up, etc., etc., but I am doing those things.
In early June, I contacted our investment adviser to initiate the paperwork needed to separate our accounts. When they sent me things I needed to sign, I did so and sent them back immediately. Today, I got around to setting up my online access to my accounts, and discovered that ex-H and I are still listed jointly on one of the accounts, which, according to the divorce agreement, is now ex-H's. I contacted the company, and the adviser's assistant told me that she has tried to contact ex-H several times and he hasn't responded. Ugh for her, but not a problem for me. Yay. NOT MY PROBLEM!!!
The 'why' is not nearly so important as the reality of it all
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Rosered,
I can identify with this post. Not from my own personal experience, but from that of our daughter.
She dated a young man for seven years, got married, and before their second anniversary, they were divorced.
We 'suspect' this young man is ADHD, but he and his family 'don't believe in ADHD' so there was never a diagnosis.
They were able to divide up there assets, and completed their dissolution without the necessity of having lawyers involved. Their marital assets were acquired with our daughter's financial credit. He had no credit history, so the house and vehicles and utilities were gotten in her name. He held a full-time job, he just never put forth the time to develop his own credit history, as he lived at home until the day of the wedding.
In the divorce, he kept the house - they only had it for a year, so there was really no equity in it - and he did pay cash money to our daughter - as it was her savings that they used for the down payment. The problem ensued when the court put one stipulation on their settlement - he had one year from the final divorce date to get the house and the loan for the new windows, in his name. He had a quit claim deed, but he needed to get the mortgage in his name before he could file.
Our daughter had to continually remind him. After the one year date approached, the only way to get her name free of that debt was if SHE filed (for $175.00) a contempt of court decree against him to enforce it. She did not do it, on two counts - it seemed too aggressive and she didn't want to spent that money. He had been unable to get a new mortgage - no credit history - and he finally went out of state to the bank to file the paperwork to assume the mortgage. He claims he had mailed it three different times, and the bank lost the paperwork. Who knows. It could have happened that way.
And. . . .the window loan is still in our daughter's name - - -but at least it is now on auto-pay so she does not have to deal with monthly notices that the payment is past due. He came to our house, so our daughter could set up his online banking. It was that, or continue to deal with the monthly hassle. Sad. She just wanted it over with already.
Once the choice is made to get divorced, it seems all bets are off on the other person following through. If you want it done, you will have to do it.
Is it right? Nope. It is a necessity? Probably.
Very truly,
Liz