I have a partner who is diagnosed (but he knew beforehand) with ADHD. Prior to being diagnosed he was my first boyfriend many years ago, now we are back together since march. Since this is not that long yet I am assuming that I am currently still experiencing the hyperfocus, I know I will be devastated when that will end.. but I know it will come.
Anyhow; I am reading the book ADHD relationships by Melissa and Dr. Ned and they often write about medical treatment. We sometimes talk about ADHD and I know he once said that he has used medication earlier, but he stopped using that because he didn't like the effect it had on him. I understand that because I had the same feeling about anti-depressants many years ago.. it stopped all of my feelings like I was living in a bubble, what he says is pretty similar to that.
So my question is: is it possible to not medically treat the ADHD and still have a thriving relationship, specifically after the hyperfocus ends? Any tips?
I'm only in the second chapter, so I am hoping that the focus will be more on tips instead of the medical treatment.
ADHD without treatment
Submitted by NG8 on 10/26/2016.
When the hyperfocus ends....
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
My boyfriend of one year was diagnosed with ADHD years before we met. He is not currently taking medication. He said that when he was on meds, it helped him focus a little better, but he didn't like how it made him feel. He said he felt numb. He did see a behavioral therapist for a while, long before I met him. He learned things from her that helped him manage his ADHD better than any medication.
Every relationship goes through stages. We have been together a year, and the anxiousness I felt a few months into our new relationship is gone. He loves me, and shows me in so many ways by not just words, but deeds. He does sweet things without me asking him, regularly. In the beginning, I was bowled over by the hyper focus. Even when I was dating my now ex-husband, I never experienced the kind of attention that my boyfriend gives me. My boyfriend listens to me and cares about my feelings, which is the complete opposite of my ex husband, who didn't have ADHD.
Would your partner consider seeing a behavioral therapist? My boyfriend swears that his life is so much better now because of what he learned from her.
thank you
Submitted by inthedark on
Thank you for the comment. My boyfriend has showed this romantic side too but after a few weeks started saying inapropriate things. I will suggest a behavioural therapist to him, and if he doesn't comply I don't know what I will do. His behaviour is better than it was and he doesn't have much confidence but I guess a therapist could help him with that too. It's good to hear success stories like yours.
Medication.....How Do You Know?
Submitted by kellyj on
I just wanted to chime here saying that any drug you put in your body is going to change you chemistry. It takes a while to get it balanced and find the "sweet spot" and that is something to you have to do own your own. No matter what dose they start with or prescribe....that is just a starting place....and the "swinging" back and forth to find your "center".....took me almost a year of trial and error to get it right. During that entire time....my emotions and moods were swinging along with the drug and your body is trying to find it;s equilibrium again plus....the, the normal drug effect with any drug..,.where your body starts to get "use" to it...and the effect will lesson and lesson over time as well until this all gets settled.
If I recall...from Melissa's course...that she said Dr Ned didn't use medication himself (if I remember don't quote me ) and that some people with ADHD...have sensitivities that others don't have to certain drugs and those just simply won't work for them because of the side effects? Dr Amon sight talks a little about this and at least from his research ( somewhat in question by some like Dr Barkley ) he did say that some sub categories of ADHD will respond more hostilely due to stimulant drugs vs alternatives which is all very interesting and are possibilities to think about?
I actually tried Statera...the stimulant alternative? ( is that right? I think that's the one? ) as my first choice other than stimulants and boy....that was horrible for me and it only got worse and worse and did nothing but weird me out...big time!!! I had to stop after a few months because it was just a bad deal all the way around and I have no idea why? There appeared to be absolutely NO benefit what so ever with Stratera but seemingly...others find it effective so Se la Vie? What can I say? But it definitely was not working....and anti depressants just make me flat and emotionless as was mentioned here as well.
The same question I keep asking myself when I hear of these reports are: Are these people who are saying the meds cause them negative side effects....really going through the entire process like I did...to it's final conclusion? It's not like taking Aspirin for a headache and it just works like that? During that 1rst entire year of experimenting and getting it dialed in...I was all over the place at times and I really felt quite out of sorts and not myself emotionally until it finally settled in? I can't help but think that especially with ADHD....the impatient nature of ADHD itself...might cause someone to quit...too early....until the drug has finally had a chance to work? I know nothing more about this than what I know for myself....but it's fair question..and one I haven't really heard of as too WHY....some people say they work...and some people stop taking them saying...it only makes them feel funny or lose their emotions or changes their moods? When all was said and done for me....I can't even tell I'm on my meds...until I stop taking them? When I stop...is when things don't feel right not the other way around? Stopping and starting or missing you meds...will just cause you body to start swinging all over again? Once you start....you can't stop. And once you stop....you've got to start.....all over again?
I wonder if this is the reason why people say it's not working? Stopping, starting, missing,swinging...and.....being too impatient...and not giving them a chance to work? If that's the case...I would attribute that to.....user error not the drugs themselves. That is.... if sensitivities and negative side effects are not the reason for this? I don't know that either...just some food for thought?
J