You are being abused!!!!  Your H has anger issues which are affecting you and your family.  How would you feel if the next time this happens (and without treatment there will be one) the other driver pulls out a gun and shoots into your car and your child is shot?  This type of incident actually happened on Christmas night some years back on the parkway in our area but instead of the child, it was the wife who got shot and died, the shooter was never caught.  What about all the other families driving on the same road while this "show of manhood" was going on?  The unpredictability of this show of force could have taken out many other innocent victims caused completely by his lack of self control. HIS self-control.

Nobody "makes" someone act a certain way.  SELF-control is about regulating one's emotions and reacting in an appropriate manner.  If your husband is reckless because he feels disrespected by a stranger in another car and retaliates for something that could have been an honest maneuvering error by a new driver, HE is out of control.  NOBODY MADE HIM act like a jerk.  He chose his reaction, he could have chosen to ignore the other driver.  He chose to endanger the very people who should be his world and then acted the victim completely unconcerned about the results of his choices. 

If you really hate your life as you posted, do something to change it. Your husband is not going to change. You are teaching your children that his behavior is acceptable and being treated like trash by one's spouse is also acceptable.

     Sweetheart, I've been in your shoes. My first husband was like this, and it was scary as hell. We had two small children. I feared for their lives as well as my own, especially from the road rage,  and the general anger he always seemed to have. Plus, there was also the  "victim mindset" he was always in. 

     You said you felt "attacked" by the advice you got several months ago. I looked at, and read all those posts. My dear, they weren't attacking you, these folks are genuinely SCARED for you and your children. I am too. I know you think you may be able to handle it, because you've been living in it for so long. You shouldn't HAVE to handle this, because it's not the way loving people treat each other. You are in a dangerous situation, and your children are absolutely powerless. I grew up in an abusive home, where I wasn't wanted, and growing up to adulthood feeling like you have no power whatsoever, and no voice, and no love, set me up for so many failures. First problem, was that I married a man who was like my abusers, because it was all I knew. 

    Anyway, my main point is this. Your children WILL ask you why you didn't love them enough to help keep them safe, and why didn't you get away and protect them? I Lived this, along with many other people I know.  I did leave my abusive husband and got away while the children were still young. Thank God. My  mother and stepfather helped get us out.

     When people used to give me advice back then, I saw it as an attack too, because I didn't know the difference between actual love and caring, sexual "love" which I felt was sort of like love, a false love and caring verses REAL love and caring words and actions. You mentioned that you married young, and so did I. But, I didn't know enough about myself or the world, to be able to navigate through most of the adult things I should have been prepared for. There was SO much that I just didn't KNOW, and I felt ignorant, and out of place, even with my peers. My peers went on to college, learned things, traveled,   expanded their knowledge, and I was at home with an abusive husband and a child. I wanted SOMETHING I did to succeed, and since the only thing I had was my marriage, I DESPERATELY wanted it to work. But, it couldnt, it wouldnt, because my Ex-husband would not and did not SEE the need for change within himself. He was dangerous. And unchecked anger in anyone, is dangerous, regardless whether or not they have ADHD. When a grown man is threatening a smaller and weaker person ESPECIALLY the ones he says he loves, he is dangerous. He has a warped sense of what true LOVE is, and love is not about control. So many men (sometimes women) think that if they can control everything around them, THEN.....their life will be okay.  It WONT, and this is not healthy thinking.

     He also had tons of road rage, and would also instigate problems with other drivers, even with us in the car. Which meant he had NO REAL love towards me and the kids. It was all about him, and whoever got in his way.  Again this this was not love, REGARDLESS of how he would tell me how much he "loved" me. He wanted control, and power, and love, but he wanted love HIS way, which was not healthy. And, he didn't KNOW the difference between healthy relationships, and unhealthy ones.

      I said all that, to say this. It's not your job to show this man what a "healthy" relationship is. He's not ready to know that yet, and maybe never will. I pray he does come to a good point to where he searches this out. But, the first thing is the safety for you and your children. Your son has already been damaged, please don't let him be subjected to more.  Children absorb all the pain, hurt, and stress from their parents and relationships, whether you see it in them or not. It's there. And, it's teaching them how to become an adult. It's teaching them that they are powerless against mean and hurtful people, and that they have to accept being abused or picked on. Or, they could go the opposite and become abusers themselves. Sadly, it's usually one or the other.

    But, you can teach  them a better way, for them, and for yourself. I know NO ONE in here, ever wants to see marriages break up, and will say so. But, I strongly urge you to talk to someone, (a professional) about your options. Is it scary, YES, and when I did it, I was terrified. But, I got myself and my kids to a safe place and got a lawyer. The divorce was granted,and both lawyers couldn't believe the actions of my ex. They were just amazed, and felt sad for us, but it was nice to see these capable men defending me and protecting me against a violent, irrational person. 

  I married again, and this man adopted my children, and we are still together. That was 35 years ago. But, I married a person who was diagnosed with ADHD, about 11 years ago. It's been difficult absolutely, but not abusive. But, this is a whole other story.I

    I am praying for you today, and that God's love surround you today, and  His angels protect you and your children.

   Hugs to you today.

Dede