Hello! Ned Hallowell here. I wanted to address a theme I see in MANY posts, and in my practice all the time. It is the problem of the husband who refuses to entertain that he might have ADD, that he might be contributing to the marital problems, that he might benefit from a consultation with an expert.
For info on the Dr Phil Show, please see the more recent March 30 post. I didn't erase this spot because people had posted attachments to it which would have disappeared had I eliminated the post all together.
If you are in a marriage in which one spouse has ADHD and the other does not, I will guarantee you that you are both even more different than you think. Your brains works differently, you experience the world around you differently, and you interpret information differently. By understanding how, you can avoid common communication errors that lots of “mixed” couples make as well as learn to treasure your unique abilities.
Great news! Dr. Hallowell and his wife, Sue (who is a social worker and experienced marriage therapist in her own right) are going to give a special marriage weekend June 20-21 in Boston specifically for couples where one or both parthers has ADHD/ADD. They will limit it to 25 couples total, and the sessions will include teaching, coaching, small group work...plus a nice hotel. They've just written a new marriage workbook that they will be giving to participants to take home, too.
We all interpret the world around us through a set of filters. These can be based upon our upbringing, our family’s values, certain knowledge and, sometimes, our fears. Recently, I’ve been thinking about how the filters one chooses to use affect your relationship for better or for worse. One of the tricks, of course, is understanding your own filters.
You may be frustrated at the slow progress that seems to happen in your relationship. You push and push, yet little seems to change. You may have read about my comment that “If nothing changes, nothing changes” elsewhere on this blog – I woke up this morning wondering if we could use this idea to help couples make progress, and wondering if a few of you might like to join me in an experiment that might improve your marriage. Read on, and you’ll find the experiment at the end.
I have an old friend who has finally, in his mid-life crisis, decided to determine whether or not he has ADD. He has started to write me about his self-exploration, and the process he is going through is so positive that I would like to share some of the key elements here so that others with ADD can benefit from his learning and, possibly, follow his path. I’ve been getting many questions lately along the lines of “Please, tell me what I can do to keep my life, and marriage from falling apart!” Here are some concrete ideas.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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