Diagnosis and Treatment of ADHD

I was giving a talk last night outside Boston and, once again, was asked “How do I get my spouse to stop denying that ADHD is a factor in our marriage?”  Here are some specific suggestions for anyone who is struggling with this.

Optimal treatment for an adult with ADHD in a committed relationship has three specific parts, the first two of which are true for treating ADHD all of the time, and the third of which is specific to being in a successful relationship.  Because good treatment “stands” on three legs I like to think of it as a three-legged stool.  You need all three legs to optimally treat ADHD:

A quote in the New York Times on November 21 misled some people into believing that Dr. Ned Hallowell thinks that using marijuana to treat ADHD is a good idea.  Just the opposite, he thinks it is a very bad idea and has said so for many years.  Here is his response to those who had questions about this:

What does it look like when you effectively treat ADHD and your life starts to turn around?  Here I've reprinted a recent post that says so much about the hardships of the ADHD experience and what can happen when things start to change.  Thank you, ptc909294, for your contribution.

I’m spending quite a bit of time these days thinking about how to get men with ADHD to realize that their ADHD affects those around them more than they think.  At least two men I can think of who have ADHD say they wish someone (other than their wives) had “hit them upside the head” with information that would convince them that their ADHD was causing real problems.

Ned Hallowell likes to say that ADD is a “gift that’s hard to unwrap”.  Frankly, I’m not sure how I feel about the “gift” idea – instead I tend to think of ADD as something that can be “sweet and sour”.  When a person with ADD is in what I think of as “good alignment” (or perhaps their “sweet spot”) life can be very sweet.  But when it’s sour everything can be awful! 

Tara McGillicuddy is an active ADHD coach and educator.  Her online work, in particular, has brought coaching to a much larger audience of people who might benefit from it.  I asked her to put together an overview of ADHD coaching to post here. 

I have an old friend who has finally, in his mid-life crisis, decided to determine whether or not he has ADD.  He has started to write me about his self-exploration, and the process he is going through is so positive that I would like to share some of the key elements here so that others with ADD can benefit from his learning and, possibly, follow his path.  I’ve been getting many questions lately along the lines of “Please, tell me what I can do to keep my life, and marriage from falling apart!”  Here are some concrete ideas.

Just read an entry on Sari Solden's blog about what to look for when searching for a marriage counselor if one or more of you has ADHD.  Go to this link to read her suggestions.