As I set here contemplating what is the true source of all the anger and frustration I've felt and read about on this forum. I think about a story that my daughter shared w/ me about my granddaughter when she was about 18 months old.....She walked into the kitchen and pulled the frig. door open and spotted her sippy cup....She looked up at her Mother for approval...Her Mother said you can have it, so she grabbed it and took a hit of it....Stuck it back into the Frig...shut the door and started walking away...So her mother said..."I thought you wanted it? And without turning around she said.."I don't wike it".....Her mind was expecting maybe something sweet "Juice"....But she got only water.....She had an expectation!
We got it, and now we don't wike it....I think so many of us human's have an Ideal we think marriage should look like...We may even manage our lives to that end....Until we find out that it's not happening on the other end...Like we expect...LOL....We don't wike it!
You know the word Husband only exists because there is a Wife in the picture....And the word Wife only exists, because there is a Husband in the picture....You can be a man or woman, but you can't be a husband or wife, without the job description that goes with it....If we're doing that, our title is a Fake.
I think that is most of the problem....It takes energy being produced for things to live....The Sun!....With no human effort from me (healthy thoughts, my time, my attention) toward my wife...Then for all practical purposes she don't have one....Thus is so many here's problems....We don't wike the lack of effort we are experiencing from our spouse....So like human's do we try to communicate it....LOL...At this point several things might happen, some good, some bad, and some temporary.....
And usually what you have at this point is reality!...So do we stop here and accept it, like a wise person would do??...No way Jose!....We're just getting started.....Anyway every thing that comes after this point the Anger, bitterness, fighting and all the attempts to force change (which is an illusion) are all bad.....
Finally if we're strong enough, we circle back to acceptance....Once we do that we can usually at least make sound decisions w/o negative emotions....Even if we chose to end it....
The one thing I have to keep reminding myself about is that I can only produce energy and effort, as what I am; a husband!....And because I think that is a high calling, it deserves my full focus and attention, so much so, I don't have time try to concern myself with her Job...
Is it working?
Acceptance of reality is the best tool that I've ever found for my marriage, and my life in general...It helps me move past my self-righteousness, and my expectations....It forces me to look in the mirror, when I had rather not...LOL.....
Blessings
C
