I've been married to a man with ADD for almost 40 years. You'd think by now we'd have got it together, but it never ends. I love him, he loves me. Years ago I thought that love, empathy and awareness coupled with some outside help would conquer all but, of course, I was wrong. For one thing, there's been no outside help. He won't do it.
There was a time about twenty years ago when he read about ADD. Got a book, and read it. He was thrilled, I think because the book gave him insight and validation. For two weeks our lives changed. Even though it was twenty years ago I remember clearly. For me the stress, the confusion, the anxiety all went away. And he was happier. He was more in control. Things went his way, rather than him being beaten up by everyday events - like lateness, forgotten plans, forgotten promises. Never having time.
After two weeks or so everything went back to our normal chaos.
We've been bankrupt and homeless. He wouldn't talk about either. When I realized that our home would be foreclosed on I asked him, 'hon, what are we going to do? His response was in my face, aggressive, 'there's nothing I can do about it!!'. And he refused to even discuss it for five years, which was when I finally found a very inexpensive place that we could afford to buy. Both of us were in our sixties at that point.
Making decisions is almost impossible for him. And if I think that he's made one I'm usually wrong. Promises and commitments mean zero. By the next day, it's 'disappeared'. 
I feel like he controls everything. Our finances, recreation, you name it. We live in a half-done home with holes in the walls. If I decide, dammit, I'm gonna fix this! it hurts him, his response is always 'I told you I was going to do that! And then we fight.
Most of the time we muddle through. Sometimes we're happy. But much of the time I have no idea what's going on. He can't stay on top of routine things, so he deals with them by hiding the problems that result. I intercept mail, listen in on his phone calls. Dirty, huh? But I still don't know, like the letter I just found from a law firm threatening action on an unpaid bill that was news to me. I imagine that for most couples that would be a big deal, but for us it's normal. I beg him to please tell me when we're in trouble. If I know what I'm up against I can deal with it! If I don't know, I can't. The worst thing is the constant fear of never knowing what might be lurking in the background. I know that I've become paranoid, but having said that there's almost always something going on that I don't know about. It isn't always something big, but I always fear that is! 
Please, please, anyone reading this who suffers from ADD, don't be offended. I can't say that I know how hard it is to have ADD because I don't suffer with it. But I see my husband's pain, and I see how it affects his self-esteem. He's a kind, smart, loving man who often feels like a failure. He's been referred to by a relative as a 'lovable f***up'. It made me want to throw up when I heard it. How patronizing/insulting is that?
To anyone who reads this, please forgive me. There's no real question. I'm just venting. Events over the last couple of days have left me at the end of my rope, again. I cry, I scream, I don't sleep. Then I'll get it together again. Things will run smoothly for a while, then we'll be back in some unexpected crisis.
The only thing I want to say is PLEASE GET HELP. As a couple, or as an ADD patient. My husband's experience when he read that book proves that life can be better and easier. I truly believe that ADD doesn't have to be a life sentence. But for us, now, I'm so sad to finally have to accept that it IS a life sentence. At 74 I sincerely doubt that he's ever, seriously, going to recognize the extent of the problem, or desire to remedy it. 
And I've given up on me, too. I can't fix it. No matter how much I read, or who I talk to, whatever I learn doesn't help. I learn what not to say, what not to do. What makes it harder for him. But in a way that almost makes it worse! Sometimes it seems like I'm actually enabling him by trying to make him feel more comfortable about the situation we're in, or by accepting it. And anyway, I no longer believe that one partner can fix anything, it has to be a mutual effort.
To anyone who reads this, thank you for listening! Today I'm a mess again; it feels good just to have beaten this post out on my laptop. Please, if nothing else, take encouragement from my ranting. It may be too late for us, but it's not too late for you! Get help, DO NOT go down the path we are always going to travel. You deserve better! And I know that it's possible.