I seem to be in the minority here.  I have ADD and have been married to my husband for 10 years with 2 kids and am currently 9 weeks pregnant. Neither of us are happy. We have both brought up divorce recently. I very much relate to the different forums posted by members except I'm relating to what I hear my husband say over and over. So its hard for me to read all the commentary and see how validating his reality is. You all seem to be at so many different stages of grief (lost, sad, angry, detached or divorced of your former torture). Many of you have laid out frightening paths that we seem to be on and I can't help but feel like I was born just an impossible person to be with. My mental health is really struggling at the moment and the hormones aren't helping.  I'm not here to play a victim or defend myself or my disorder, what all of you are saying sounds like a terrible existence to have and I love my husband and family so much that I want to make real LASTING changes but he seems so "gone" that I struggle gaining my own hope.  I want to see hope in him but I think its gone until I show him, not say, I can sustain changes.  I'm so lonely and he's so emotionally detached.  It doesn't seem like there are any ADD spouses on here offering how they made their changes in real life.  As an author and expert on ADHD and relationships, Melissa is a very relatable resource to you all, however she is the NON-ADHD spouse.  Are there any ADHD individuals on here who have "successfully" navigated through this mess and can speak to it?  

I'm not the spouse who hasn't tried. It's just sustaining focus on what I learn is the issue.  I've read Mellissa's book together with my husband and many others by multiple authors on my own, I've been on multiple medications since my 20's (about 2 years before I even met my husband), the last one being high dose Vyvansse (which I had to stop when I found out I was pregnant about a month ago).  I have an ADHD coach (Jeff Copper who I'd highly recommend btw) who I meet with weekly and who tells me I'm making progress. We are fortunate to have an Au Pair, housekeepers, pool person etc. So there's not a lot of household things in the way anymore. We are even seeking out a home organizer now so even though we have resources we are still in a downward spiral.  Couples counseling has gone nowhere for me over the years but is always insightful then frustrating for him because it does nothing for me. This pregnancy has been a catalyst for a lot.  We haven't had an intimate relationship in years even though we wanted a third.  After a few unsuccessful and very unromantic try's we got some testing done and realized that medical intervention would be necessary if we wanted to pursue the third even though we were both apprehensive due to the status of the marriage. After 2 rounds of IUI we got pregnant. At week 7, my husband suggested that we have an "adult conversation" about the baby and brought up abortion.  So there it is,  we tried for this baby now the reality of the status of our marriage due to my ADHD inhibiting the ability to communicate is punching us in the face. This baby will only make things harder in an already fragile state so I worry about keeping OR not keeping the baby and how the decision either way will impact our marriage and mental health.  I'm not here to debate ProChoice, (ironic timing I know...)  Please.  I just wanted to lay out the severity of our situation.  I'm old enough and its early enough that there is a higher chance that his decision could be made for us anyway, but I wanted to be real on here (In my state I can't even get a scan until 10 weeks so we are assuming everything is fine at the moment). Please dont respond with your vote whether we should keep the baby or not. That's not why I shared this.  Hopefully it lays out the seriousness of what my family is going through at the moment.  If anyone on here has advice I'm willing to listen and especially if I can get connected with an ADHD spouse who's head is NOT still in the sand.   Thank you for listening.