"Question 10 in the #beyourselfatwork survey asks:
How much do you feel you need to prove your competence at work?
What makes this question important in creating a trusting environment? Most of us feel that we need to prove something about our competence, and we find that this is generally driven from an underlying feeling of being judged for inadequacy in some way.
We see a huge difference in people who don’t feel that they need to prove competence, vs those who do. If you don’t push to prove, you let go, trust yourself more, ask others for help and become more human vs. robotic. You also shake off any ‘prove it’ strategies used to check for competence in others, thus opening up the working environment for creativity and open discussion.
So, proving competence, or improving confidence, which do you work on? The latter!"
I read this, and I immediately saw something here, that doesn't apply to people with ADHD. It continues to say....
"Jack Nasher, from Stanford University shares in a Forbes article, “one of the keys to displaying your expertise is a high level of confidence…confidence regarding your skills…underpin this with your successes, whether from past achievements or from experiences… Due to a mechanism known as the ‘confirmation bias’, others will believe in you and will confirm their assumptions – unconsciously. You should therefore avoid modesty regarding your core competencies, as people tend to confirm low expectations as well and would then search for weaknesses and shortcomings."
There's a glaring issue in this last paragraph. Having to do with "avoiding modesty" and working on "confidence" first, when it pertains to poeple with ADHD.
I can tell you, without question, that being overly confident is not only problematic, it can be catastrophic for people with ADHD. Competency, is exactly what you should be working on ( first ) then confidence.
I'm currently working with a woman with ADHD....and this is her biggest downfall. She has plenty of self confidence, in fact, way too much! Her inability to deliver on that confidence, is exactly where the problems exist. Her need to prove herself, overrides common sense because of her false belief in her own abilities, so when it comes time to ...."walk the walk", she can't. But, she sure can the "talk the talk", and convince people she can. She has no shortage of self confidence in other words.
I believe, this is a fundamental, core issue, with people who have ADHD at times. So much so, I have a story to illustrate this that I still tell, because I thinks it so ridiculously funny, and sad at the same time. I don't even know if this fellow has ADHD or not, but something tells me, he'd be a candidate none the less.
There's a competition that is held, worldwide, called "Geo-Mapping" or Geo-Marker competition, where contestants are taken to remote areas and challenged to find Geological Survey Markers in a designated area. These are round metal discs, used in map making and Geological survey and placed in strategic areas all around the world.
The goal of this competition, is to locate as many markers in a given time frame, but the furthest ones away from your starting position...get the most points. And there are bonus points ( markers ) that you can add to the required ones, everyone has to find. These are usually well off the beaten path and anyone who stands a chance of winning, has to find these markers as well to be competitive. These markers are usually miles away from each other, and the terrain and distances from each other involve a great deal or outdoor survival knowledge, endurance, hiking or running strength and cartography experience. It's extremely physically demanding as there are no trails or signs to guide you in your quest to find these markers.
The gentleman in question, had studied cartography and mapping for over a year to enter his first competition. He had all the right gear and professional equipment except one thing. He had no outdoor survival training and no physical training other than walking around his neighborhood and a few nature trails.
And, he'd decided, in his infinite wisdom , to prove himself by becoming a contender for first place alongside the professionals who do this for money....on his first attempt ever. Which meant, in his mind, going for the furthest bonus marker first....by reason, it had the most points which could possibly, make him win it all. He had no shortage of confidence!
I'll give you the shortened version, to show you just how bad this decision can get. This will pretty much speak for itself. I know this person's step father, so I got this story directly from him.
His step father had received a call from the Sheriff's office in a remote desert location in Oregon, telling him his son had not returned to the starting point, and had been missing for hours.
The step father and mother had to drive 5 hours across the state to the sight the competition was being held. When they arrived, there were volunteers brought in from all over the state with rescue experience. ( hundreds ) And a massive rescue operation was underway. They were just calling in helicopters when they arrived. The search had already been underway so they alteady checked all the geo marker spots on thmap to no avail.. ...except the furthest one. The one our man decided to go to first.
They assumed, as a first timer, he would never go to that location. They assumed this because, not even the most experienced professional competitors went to this spot on that day, because it was so far, the terrain so rugged, and the temperatures were over 100° that day. Surely, he would never go there they thought?
Well, he went there...or, started to. But by mid-day, he was already running out of water. He completely miscalculated how much to bring, his exertion level, the 100° temperatures and the elevation gain which was 1000 ft. Not only that, he only had a few energy bars for food and now he was in big trouble. He realized, the day was only half over and he was already exhausted and he only had enough water to go for an hour or so. So, he decided to head to the river ( large river ) miles off course and outside the boundary lines. According to his step dad, he said he thought he was going to die.
By the the time he got to the river, he was completely out of water. The only problem was, there was a 1000ft cliff he had to scale down to get to the river. It took him the rest of the afternoon to find a way down, but by that time, the sun was starting to go down, and it would be dark in a very short time. He had no overnight equipment or camping supplies, no survival gear or means to build a shelter...and the temperature were now dropping ( in the dessert ) getting close to freezing. He had no other clothes, other than the shorts and tank top he was wearing. He was really in a bind, with few options. And he was miles off course, which meant the searchers would never find him.
So he started walking along the river, because he knew it would eventually lead him back to the starting point of the competition. The sun was already down, but he figured he had very little choice.
Then suddenly, he heard voices, and he started running towards them. He came around the bend, and there was an entire river rafting tour group, all set up on the shore. Apparently, he ran to them and collapsed and told them he was lost. Not only did they help him, they had a deluxe glamping set up with them, complete with Barbeques, steaks, corn on the cob, beer,all kinds of other food, a guy playing guitar...they were completely set. They had extra room in a tent with sleeping bags...the whole works. Apparently, this was the last night for the rafters on the river and they threw a big party for them. He joined right in and had a terrific time including drinking a little too much right along with their hosts. From the sound of it, it worked out quite well, better than he hoped or could ever imagine.
In the meantime....helicopters were flying around the area. They brought in another so there were two joining the search. There were hundreds of volunteers brought in from the local town, and the search continued all night because they knew, with the temperatures outside, his chances of survival were getting less and less as the night wore on. His parents were besides themselves.
In the morning, they were just getting ready to call off the search, when here came the rafting party, with our friend in the lead raft. Apparently, he was waving and in great spirits.
The search costs something like $20,000 and that didn't include the helicopters. I think the total was up to $35,000 last time I heard. And, they sent him the bill for the entire fiasco.
So when I'm reading that you need confidence ( first ) at work or in bussiness....and competence ( second ) I think of this story, and my co-worker with ADHD.....and go mmmmm.
Not so much. A little less confidence and a whole lot more competence will get you a lot further having ADHD.
