Recent forum posts (all topics)

I think we maybe are discussing the wrong spouse on this web site, way to often...What happen's to the mind and emotions of a person who is subjected to denial (behavior blindness) and indifference from their spouse over an extended period of time (years for most of us)??....I know I am damaged to some degree...Even if it's just thinking about it an unhealthy amount...(thought dominating)...

I tried to communicate some things.  Some very important things. Some very fundamental things.  

I cannot be heard. I don’t know where adhd symptoms begin/end and the other stuff like personality, denial, dysfunctional views of relationships, selfishness, simple misunderstanding, communication style, etc, also begin/end.  

It is coming. Soon. It is no respecter of persons. I  believe on one level that I will live forever in paradise.

Looking for advice on how to stop an adhd husband from lying to cover up things he is ashamed of.  I just got back from a vacation without my husband and saw a couple of new scratches on his brand new truck.  I didn’t say anything about that for a couple days and then asked him what happened.  He said those scratches were there since the winter and that I just never saw them.  I park by his truck everyday.  I know he is lying. He does this occasionally and then tells me I’m a terrible wife for not believing him.  I feel like he is playing mind games woth me.

After years (11 now) of trying to come to peace with what is possible in my marriage relationship...I have gotten there....I guess the reason it took so long, was because, I knew deep down I wouldn't like it....And I don't..LOL.....Shortly before I found this web site (6 years ago) I had some break through's, when it comes to the working of an add mind, and most importantly denial by the adder....I've read and written many posts since that time......I was just looking at one of Melissa's comments about denial...."It's denial that causes divorce she says"...And I understand that completely..

So, right now we have a number of projects H started 1, 2, or 3 years ago.  Like for instance, he tore up a small ceiling area because there were drips coming from upstairs.  The ceiling has been unfinished and sits unattended for 4 months.  There is a shed that has a hanging off door and I have been asking that we decide and work together to fix the door or remove the shed.  It has been an eyesore and a vermin magnet for over a year.  Many more projects that need to be done around our house.

Hello. I am a non adhd spouse of an untreated man- we have been married for 22 long years. I just got yelled at because he forgot I had bought tickets to a concert at a local art gallery tonight- and besides that- I scheduled a birthday dinner for he and my son- and the next day- we are hosting the youth group at our house! How could I be so self centered to do all that? Literally all he has to do is show up these events but it’s apparently very problematic. Just one example of the millions of times I have been yelled at over the years. Not just yelled at but attacked personally.

Hubby who has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and I have been going to marriage therapy. His issues are mostly ADHD related and mine are issues of anger and resentment. Even though things have gotten so much better for us I can’t seem to shake the feelings of constant fear that something is going to go wrong again and he is going to break his promises or mess up royally again. He’s driven drunk for example and has had gambling problems but has nipped those in the bud. Anyhow, our therapist is recommending I go on antidepressants for a while so I can combat my anxiety and anger issues.

This is my first time posting and I'm thankful to have found this community. I need help!! My husband of almost 20 years was diagnosed last year with ADHD at age 41. While it has certainly shed some light on some of our marital issues over the years I am having a hard time "accepting and understanding him" for what he is. We were college sweethearts and married young at 22, had our first daughter at 24 and went on to have 2 more boys. Kids are now 18, 14, and 11 and both my 18 YO daughter and 11 YO son were diagnosed in the last couple of years with ADHD as well.

I had stopped daring to make a scene.  I would stuff, deny, shut-up about anything and anybody.  H would lie in front of me and I would "let it go". H would forget a promise, say mean words, slam things, tease me, make me the butt of his jokes....I would ignore, pass off, pretend he hadn't.  I did not have a mentor/model on how to respond without going to that "nasty" place myself.  I had not wanted to be a loud, yelling, in-your-face person.  I don't like to live like life and love were a sparring event.  So, how does a person hold their own ground with grace and peace and love?