Anyone out there willing to share their thoughts about the music video ; Broken Together by Casting Crows ? U Tube = Casting Crowns-Broken Together ( Official Music Video ) It seems that TODAY, on this Forum, contemplating relational difficulties is fitting.
ADH9er
Sad to say, I had a very bad day yesterday physically and emotionally, and was overwhelmed with what was happening between my husband and I. I tried to have a conversation with him, and he again said something very ADHD, which was angry in nature, (which he denies) and says "Don't take it personally". The conversation went like this: I told him something I felt was important that I learned about, which was a political subject, and he states "I'd have to SEE that to believe it". (which he has said hundreds of times).
The day on which, because I'm "the best thing that ever happened" to my spouse (his words, more than once), he does nothing to signal his affection for me. Oh, wait, that's every day. He never signals his affection for "the best thing that ever happened" to him.
I'd like to hear some of the other people on here if you've had this expression said to you by your ADHD partner. My ADHD husband has said this many times. He gets angry at our grown daughters and me (and others) because he continually says "(I don't feel like I'm included in the family). He means this when we get together and can talk for several hours about many different things. We laugh, and cry and generally have a great time. But, we CAN'T do this when he is present, due to the fact that he mainly doesn't listen to us.
From J, in another thread, a starter package on attachment theory
(sorry that the boldfacing that you used got lost in the copy & paste, J.)
My husband left for work one day and hasn't been home in over a year. I belive his Undealt with adhd is to blame, along with his poor choices. To make a long story short, he was out drinking with his buddies playing with what he thought was a bb gun and ended up accidently shooting and killing his best friend. I was left alone with out 5 year old son to pick up the pieces and am now a single parent. I fully support him, and just revived my book in the mail. The adhd effect on marriage.
How do you talk to a person about their ADHD without simultaneously tearing them down?
How do you say,
"You need medication."
"You need counseling."
"You need to receive treatments."
without also implying,
"You're not good enough."
"You need to change."
"You're defective."
He said this morning, "Do you want to start the day with a funny joke?" with a volume too loud for first thing in the morning.
I looked at him and said, "Sure!" in the same volume he came in with.
"What." he said same volume.
"What." I said same volume.
He looked at me like I had slapped him and walked away like a spanked puppy.
Response, response, assumptions, bad feelings.
I fell in love with my husband nearly 10 years ago, in large part, due to his of his earnestness, sweetness, and frankly, his willingness to make a commitment to me long-term.
I researched ADD on my own and sought joint counseling early on. Later, I sought individual counseling as I tried very hard to understand our unique dynamics and gain skills to better aid both of us.
It's been nearly a decade, and I must admit, that this is not at all what I signed up for!!
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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