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...THIS WILL BE LONG...

Hello, I have been reading here for quite some time. Finally I thought it might be useful to give some input as someone who grew up the father has ADD/anxiety/depression and the relationship of the parents can be described as co-dependent.

First of all, when you are a child you think how you grow up is the "normal" way even when things happen that seem to be disturbing after a while. Of course, you do not have any insight or explanation at that point in time. You just live in a certain environment.

This is my first time writing in. I am very anxious to hear back from others that may be fighting the same battle. What I have found more lately than ever before is that my husband had NO common sense. It was probably this way all along, but perhaps it didn;t bother me as much as it does now.What I am talking about it making the logical decision about anything. Sure it is mostly on the fly when he is in a hurry,but even when he has time to think about it he always makes it more difficult than it needs to be. It's the long way or the complicated way.

As I surf over the posts on this forum it revels many common themes concerning our marriages, our spouses and us...I just want to address one that seems common to us all....And it's our feelings about the blind spots (emotional abandonment) our spouses have concerning us...It seems based on your comments and rants, along with my life experience's this is very common among us....

So, lets look at a few things we all can agree on as the problems...Based on the information in these forums and again in my experiences, lets try to ask some questions that can help us....

My partner and I have been together for 15 years and the last five have been extremely hard.  I have contemplated leaving many times.  I hate how I feel around him.  There is very little effort, little sharing of partnership, a lot of similarities to what I have been reading on this site.  What I would like to know, is it better for those who have left?  Is it better for you mentally?  Better for your children?  I so want to do the right thing and I do love my partner but his ADHD is destroying me and I don't know how long I can continue to endure it.

If you are in the mood for humor.  I just saw this rerun of Frazier for the first time.  I almost pee'd.  Of course I am personally invested in someone who is a tad bit this way herself which is why this is so funny to me.  Anyway...for what it's worth.  I thought it was good for a laugh if you needed one.  Enjoy.

here's the clip   https://youtu.be/7XN-J_0nYhI

J

Hi everybody, and thanks so much for your time and emotional support.  As I stated earlier in my other post, I am not sure what the diagnosis would be for my chronically angry BF, but now that he has been out of the house for a few days, I am starting to worry and feel guilty about my tough love approach of "get therapy or get out!" approach to his problems.

In reading posts it occurs to me that some of us have left the ADHD relationship but are still searching for a way to recover from the impact it had on our lives.  Anyone else feel the same?

Typical back story of adhd relationship. I was diagnosed just over a year ago. About 8.5ish years into a marraige ravaged by undiagnosed adhd.  My wife looks at me with a mixture of hate / coldness. I am constantly being called names. Im told that i am a failure, worthless and at this point only good for a paycheck. Constant fighting, that ends with me crying because"im too emotional". Im always reminded that i personally and single handedly ruined the marraige/ her life.