Recent forum posts (all topics)

Is there a good way, a helpful way, to respond to my husband's twisted recall of events?
 

For example, one day he brought up a job from years ago, and then he says, "I only took that job because you were on board."  Except that we had plenty of heated discussions where I repeatedly made it clear that the salary would not be enough and the hours would be difficult.  But now, years removed, he genuinely believes that we were both on board, that we both wanted it.  

It's funny, I haven't been on this forum for 5 years, but when I look back on the one post I made five years ago, I probably could have written a slightly altered version today.

Hi all! This is my first post here. I'm in the midst of reading THE COUPLES GUIDE TO THRIVING WITH ADHD and almost every page relates to my relationship. It's been a long road of difficulty for me and my husband - been together for 18 years, married for 11 with 2 kids. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD about 17 years ago and has been on meds since. He also has depression anxiety, substance abuse issues and more. 
 

After 38 years of marriage I still struggle with understanding some of the behaviours. One of them is the daily contempt and disgust my DH has for me yet he still expects the perks of marriage. He cannot understand why I no longer want to spend much time with him. He goes from screaming at me to asking me to go out to dinner with him. Never any apologies or explanation for the blow ups. Just carry on as if nothing happened. Does he just forget that he treated me terribly? I cannot just swng along with him with his moods. It's crazymaking.....

Our 11 year old daughter has been previously diagnosed with ADHD and OCD.  There is a long history of conflict with her mother.  Other issues have manifested themselves lately, such as writing all over her bedroom walls.  She has become obsessed with a story about Joseph Stalin killing people by putting them in boxes with insects.  She has had increasing panic attacks, including ones that lead her to freeze up and go mute.  One time, she started swatting herself and said that she thought that there were bugs all over her.

Our 14 year old dog has recently had stomach problems and the vet gave her several pills, including one that was to be given only once a day in the morning.  I gave her one on Wednesday morning.

I was diagnosed at age 7 as "hyperactive" (late 70's) but dad refused to allow medication. I also have had many emotional, often anger issues (when rejection or perceived rejection) was present. My father is narcissistic and mother is his enabler. As the middle child I was pushed to the side. Over my school years I impulsively found a lot of trouble. Bad grades, skipping school etc... I used to be timid, afraid to stand up for myself and tender. Through two rough marraiges and 16 years as a business owner I niw find myself opposite.

This week I am online learning by myself about emotional intelligence and maturity.  MINE!  It seems to me that when I was young, I had a youthful emotional maturity.  I stood on solid ground. After living with H all these years, I see that I have bent myself to accommodate him and his ways and I had become emotionally immature too and a little crazy.  I brought myself down to his level to not seem to act "superior or motherly or stodgy or 'better than' ".  In other words, I was putting myself on his level. I tried fighting fire with fire.

Keri you had mentioned it but it appears to be all full, did I miss something? I really need this and was hoping to attend. Thanks y'all ! Maybe I'm not looking in the right place..

D&E

Married 40 years, just waking up to this issue. I'm a non-ADHD wife with an adorable, adoring-loving ADHD husband who would throw himself in front of a train for me. He is so wonderful in MANY ways. Super smart, charming to the utmost, can fix absolutely anything except a coffee maker haha and has lived his whole live avoiding the pain of a sick, traumatic childhood using his extraverted salesy joking personality. When we are "outside" our day to day problems, we have fun, we laugh together until we hurt, it just doesn't get any better. But......