Read a recent thread about whether to stay in a difficult ADHD relationship or leave.
To me it seems ADHD partners can be well-intended but functionally dishonest, inconsistent and dismissive of their partner’s needs. Kind and loyal. But then do these immensely destructive, even hateful, things when challenged.
At least for me it’s been the obvious good intentions of my ex husband that’s made staying reasonable for decades.
Now I’m at a loss about his true character. Is he a defensive coward who will sacrifice his loved ones to soothe his frayed ego? Is he a loving and brave man challenged by extreme difficulties I can’t perceive?
Both these things seem true simultaneously. I think that’s why it’s been so hard to decide what to do in the relationship, and also in retrospect to tell its story.
I can’t make up my mind as to whether he’s trustworthy or not.
The connection we’ve had for almost 25 years tells me he’s more unselfish and admirable than most people. At the same time he’s eventually behaved like somebody you’ll never want to lay eyes on again.
Parallel parenting with minimum contact after a high-conflict divorce. Could I ever see it coming? Absolutely not.
It’s still mind boggling, that his dishonesty and vagueness/rage alterations have been able to pass under my emotional radar and finally blown everything up.
What does one accept from the well-intended? Clearly a lot. I imagine more people than I will quickly and intuitively shy away from bad intentions. But the good intentions with no executive functioning?
It’s clear to me why leaving often isn’t easy or straightforward. Even now I don’t see clearly what I should have done or how to proceed.
It seems like an indefinite source of pain.
