Get Engaged

ADHD & Marriage News - April 24, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Success has nothing to do with perfection.”

- Michele Obama

Get Engaged!

Obama knows a lot about success and really nails this one. Not only is success not correlated with perfection, but perfectionism is the enemy of success. If you strive for things to be perfect there will always be something that could be better. You are going to be perpetually disappointed in your performance and yourself and may well develop a strong inner critic. While that might urge you to continue to strive, telling yourself it (or you) is not yet good enough because it’s not yet perfect is a truly miserable way to live.

In ADHD relationships, success is often determined along a completely different axis – that of engagement. If you are engaged with each other in respectful ways, and engaged in accepting and celebrating what you do have (vs. what you don’t) you may well find a very satisfying relationship – perhaps one that really lights you up in amazing ways.

One dangerous version of seeking perfection is what I call ‘being in love with a fantasy partner’ rather than the person you are actually married to. That fantasy partner does almost everything right, is always respectful, is interested in you sexually at the same time you are, is a great parent…the list goes on and on.

Your real partner never matches up to your fantasy of your partner – and that leads to disappointment for you both.

Now that you think about it that way, are your ideas of what your partner could be interfering with your relationship success? What would it take to create an environment in which you could engage productively with each other to find relationship success?

And, if you are a person with ADHD, are you afraid to engage until you do ‘better’?

HIGHLIGHT:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - for couples dealing with ADHD, providing ongoing assistance from professionals you can trust - at a great value for the lifetime rate of $124/month if you Join us now! Questions? Review our i2a on demand information session and Frequently Asked Questions.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Live expert support, a great community and lots of ADHD management tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner.

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Registration Open) - Starts June 4th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.