Grief and Love

ADHD & Marriage News - April 9, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

- Jamie Anderson

I run into a lot of partners who are experiencing grief but not giving it room to flow through them so they can fully grapple with it. I liked Anderson’s idea of what grief is and wondered if that might help at least some partners allow themselves to grieve more overtly.

Many of my grievers are grappling with the fact that their complicated, sometimes chaotic, high-emotions and/or high-conflict relationship is not what they had expected at the outset of their love and lives together. And, yes, that is worthy of grief. Lots of love there…no place to go, though, when you have such mixed (or even negative) feelings about the struggles you didn’t expect to face.

Allowing your sadness to manifest, and positioning that sadness as love of both a person and also of what might have been, can help you process your feelings and move closer to a place of acceptance. Acceptance is not ‘settling’ (as some people fear) but rather a clearing out dreams, grief, resentment and other emotions that may be keeping you stuck. Accepting who you are, and who your partner is, allows you to start to build from the real place you are. With acceptance, love can learn to unfold again. Without the other complicated emotions in the way, you can seek and reinforce the positive. You can identify what isn’t working and decide whether or not to target change in that area of yourself (and perhaps request something similar of your partner.)

Moving past your grief and into the love that is hiding there can be very powerful, indeed.

HIGHLIGHT:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - We're thrilled that people are getting a lot out of Intent to Action. Here's what some of our members have to say:

"The information in this program is excellent. And to make it even better Melissa and her team interact with participants to help them apply what is learned in a very clear and practical way to get beneficial results. Highly recommend!"

"The 'action' part of this program alone is worth the investment. It is so impactful in understanding and improving a relationship where ADHD is involved. Totally recommend!"

"After researching many resources on ADHD, this program by far has the best materials and tools we've found to help us on our journey with ADHD."

You can still get one of the last spots for the lifetime rate of $124/month if you Join us soon!

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Live expert support, a great community and lots of ADHD management tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner.

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Registration Open) - Starts June 4th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.