I’ll Do It My Way!

Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“To compensate for being unable to fit into the conventional roles and behaviors expected of women, I styled myself as an eccentric renegade. This allowed me to save face and cope with my seeming inadequacies and bafflement about how to fit in with my gender. It was like I had a secret agenda—so secret, in fact, that even I wasn’t aware of it. Right up to my ADHD diagnosis, I’d been walking a tightrope, trying to meet social expectations while also pretending I didn’t care about them. Secretly, I wanted to prove that I could get a house, a husband, a career, a life. I was going to show ’em—but I’d do it my way.

Finally, after I learned about ADHD and gradually began to discover my own values and what was truly important to me, I could drop the veneer of renegade. Then, just as it clanged to the sidewalk, bounced once, and wobbled, I could snatch it up again to wear it with authenticity and pride. Recognizing the trap and springing free was both liberating and invigorating. I began to let myself be me.”

- Zoe Kessler, from her new book ADHD According to Zoe
 

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Kessler’s new book gives an inside peak into what it’s like to be a person with ADHD, and her insights are terrific.  How many people with ADHD identify with her idea that being a renegade (or a class clown, or an eccentric) is a way to cope with seeming inadequacies and bafflement on the inside while putting on a good face on the outside?

I hear this idea from those with ADHD with some frequency.  Particularly moving are comments from those who have experienced success at work or home who tell me that they feel like an imposter or fraud - constantly concerned that they will be ‘discovered’ and suddenly lose…wife, job, status, friends…you name it.

By learning about ADHD and how she relates to her ADHD, Kessler can now be proud of who she is, instead of hiding.  This acceptance is something I wish for everyone with ADHD.  If you want to hear some of Kessler’s stories about how she got there, grab a copy of her book, ADHD According to Zoe.

© 2013 Melissa Orlov