Jockey Everyone Around

ADHD & Marriage News - March 18, 2025

Quote of the Week

“I’ve always thought I could use my brain and my heart to jockey everyone around to the good. But life is not jockeyable. When you try, you make people infinitely crazier than they already were, including or especially yourself.”

- Anne Lamott

It’s safe to speculate that there is probably a lot on your plate! To get things to run smoothly you may have to manage your family members to jockey things around quite a bit.

Inherent in that jockeying is a position of control. “You do this; I’ll do that; they’ll do this other thing.” You do it with best intentions, and a big heart, but (as you probably already know) it often doesn’t go as you had planned. This is particularly true when one or more people in your family have ADHD.

I bring this to your attention because there are actually hidden costs of trying to jockey things around all the time:

1. Other people in your life resent being jockeyed around and told what to do. Therefore, your efficiency efforts can add negative feelings in the family.

2. You set yourself up for disappointment (and resentment – there is a theme here) because you expect one outcome but may get a different, less satisfactory, one

3. In your effort to manage things well, you end up focusing on ‘stuff’/efficiency and may lose sight of what’s really important – nurturing relationships.

I ask that you go back and read Lamott’s quote one more time and take 2 minutes to ask if it applies to your own life.

STARTING TODAY MARCH 18: ADHD Effect LIVE In-Depth Couples' Seminar - No matter where you are in the world.... you can join via Zoom.

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Join us for an Information Session on Wednesday, March 26th at 8p EST to learn what our members love about i2a, ask your questions, and see if it’s the right fit for you. Register here for the Information Session to save your spot.

Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program: ADHD Management Tools, Expert Support and Community for ADHD Impacted Relationships - Live expert support, a great community and lots of tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner. Learn more and join us!

Register here for our Information Session on Wednesday, March 26th at 8p EST to learn what our members love about i2a, ask your questions, and see if it’s the right fit for you.

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (9-session ZOOM seminar starts March 18. Registration OPEN). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.