Love Is Totally Inefficient!

Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“Maximal efficiency is not necessarily a value to strive for; inefficiency often produces social benefits.”

- Brian Bergstein, paraphrasing Evgeny Morozov, author of “To Save Everything Click Here: The Folly of Technological Solutionism”  (article about how having lots of data sometimes leads us to value the wrong things)

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I can’t think of anything that is efficient about love!  It’s sloppy, takes a ton of time and attention, goes in unexpected directions, loops back on itself sometimes and is often harder to measure than we would like.

Often, as we judge our relationships we assess things about efficiency – how many chores are hanging over our heads...how long it takes to do something...whether or not our partner did something they said they would… and more.

A good relationship includes both some “efficient” and a good amount of “inefficient.”  Though it's easy to lose faith because yet another chore didn't get done, try to focus on your relationship instead.  Can you carve out more time to focus on each other - perhaps with a date night or special activity?  Are there special characteristics your partner possesses that are becoming unfairly devalued with his or her struggle with ADHD?  As you look to measure the success of your relationship, make sure you place enough value on that which is inefficient…and, if appropriate, a little less value on efficiency.

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GREAT NEWS!  I'VE ADDED A BONUS SESSION AT THE END OF MY LIVE COUPLES SEMINAR ON HOW TO VALUE ADHD CHARACTERISTICS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  THE NEXT LIVE SEMINAR STARTS OCTOBER 1.  FIND OUT MORE INFORMATION AND/OR REGISTER HERE!

© 2013 Melissa Orlov