If I had a magic wand, one of the gifts I would give struggling couples is the ability to hear their partner, and be heard.  It’s incredibly important as you try to reconnect!  But it can be really hard.  Because we tend to approach what our partner says not from his or her perspective, but from our own.  This leads to defensiveness, rather than openness.

As an example, when we were struggling my husband might say “You’re always so negative about me!” and what went through my head was “That’s because you don’t do what you say you are going to do!”  A much better response would have been “Gee, I wonder why he is saying that now?”

In other words, trust that his opinion and what he is saying is TRUTH to him, and it is my responsibility to understand that truth, not to tell him why he is wrong.

This ability to listen non-defensively is actually one of the most critical characteristics of a healthy, happy relationship.  I might not have liked that my husband was telling me I was negative, but if I was honest with myself…I was.  Yes, I had my reasons, but that didn’t make being negative any more productive.

The ability to speak and listen to the truth is called ‘Conflict Intimacy’ and it’s so important that I cover it in my live couple’s seminar (next live session starting Sept. 26), my self-study Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship, and my live new seminar on anger. 

It takes practice, but I know all of you can do it.  I hope you’ll consider joining me to learn how.

No matter where you are in the world.... you can take my Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar and/or my Diminishing Anger in Your Relationship Seminar - both start September 2018.  

You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:

• -   Online treatment overview;

  -   Downloadable chapters of my books;

  -   A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

    -   A large number of blog posts on various topics;

    -   Referrals.

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The Live session starts September 26, 2018.

Is your relationship in pretty good shape but you'd love to feel closer? Consider my self-study seminar Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!  Question? Contact Melissa.

- Please follow us for tips and resources.