ADHD & Marriage News - February 11, 2021
Quote of the Week
“You should stop saying ‘Don’t try harder, try differently.’ Instead, you should say ‘Don’t try harder, do differently.’”
-Recent couples seminar attendee
“Do Differently,” Instead
I love it when people come to me with ideas about what I write and say! Not only does it provide me an opportunity to improve what I offer others, but it also helps me see things in a new way.
Recently a seminar participant wrote me to suggest that saying one of my key suggestions could be improved. He argued that ‘trying’ is not the same thing as ‘doing’ and that for those with ADHD this distinction is particularly important. It’s easy to confuse ‘thinking’ with ‘doing’ when you have ADHD, particularly if you have symptoms that interfere with follow through.
I completely agree. Good intentions, which could be other words for ‘trying,’ just aren’t as compelling as changed habits of ‘doing.’
This is why I encourage couples to set SMART goals that can be measured objectively and are bound by time. You can measure “I’m going to do the dinner dishes 5 times this week” and determine concretely if you met your goal or not. You cannot measure “I’m going to try harder to do the dishes.”
And for non-ADHD partners, in particular, it’s the doing that is where the relief is.
With all that in mind, I’m thinking of updating my saying to more accurately reflect what I meant…which really was about creating change. What do you think?
Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS start back at the end of February. More information is here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.
Resources
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.
Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.
How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.
Question? Contact Melissa.
- Please follow us for tips and resources.
© 2021 Melissa Orlov
