Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“Sometimes I get so weary I even freak myself out.
I laugh myself to sleep, it’s my lullaby.
Sometimes I drag so fast just to feel the danger
I want to scream – it makes me feel alive…
I’d rather be anything but ordinary, please.
To walk within the lines would make my life so boring.
I want to know that I have been to the extreme.
So knock me off my feet, come on now give it to me, anything to make me feel alive.”

- Avril Lavigne

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My understanding is that Avril Lavigne has ADHD.  Her description of how she feels in “Anything But Ordinary Please” from her album Let Go is a great description of (probably hyperactive) ADHD.  The thrill and need for speed are all there. 

If your partner has ADHD it’s important to remember that while “fitting in” and getting more organized is useful for your relationship and for succeeding in a world that puts a premium on efficiency, there can be a bittersweet side to it as well.  For a person with ADHD, the less spontaneous life they are often working to create to "get along" with a partner (or at work) feels different and, sometimes, uncomfortable.  Later in the same song Lavigne captures some of what might be lost:

“Let down your defenses, use your common sense.  If you look you will see that this world is beautiful excellent turbulent succulent opulent permanent…I want to taste it, don’t want to waste it…

There is a zest for life in her words!  As you seek to find a good balance between ADHD partner spontaneity and non-ADHD partner organization remember to leave enough space for adventure so you can experience some of that “excellent turbulent succulent opulent” life together.

© 2013 Melissa Orlov