One of the ongoing bits of humor in the couples counseling world is that practically every client comes to couples work with one wish – ‘please fix my partner.’  This personification of the couple’s issues inhibits progress and can breed resentment and defiance (not to mention the pain of feeling unappreciated.)

No one can ‘fix’ another person (one can only fix oneself) and in relationship struggles it is almost universal that both partners have work to do.  Fixing your own attitude and recognizing you, too, have something to learn is the first step to making relationship progress.  Which doesn’t mean that your partner is squeaky clean.  You BOTH have work to do!

Sometimes, it also helps to recognize that some problems are just problems, not a reflection of anyone’s shortcomings.  How do you fairly distribute tasks given each partner’s strengths and weaknesses?  How to remain flexible towards dissenting opinions when you’re tired?  How do you find your way from point A to point B?

The good news here is that it is easier to work together if you’re addressing a broader problem rather than an individual failing.

To consider: Is there an opportunity to stop personalizing some of your issues and start recognizing that sometimes ‘the problem is the problem?’

REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN:

Non-ADHD partner support groups - Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise.  NEW LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

The ADHD Effect Couples Seminar -  Live Winter 2025 is now open! Melissa and senior consultant, Ashley Paradise, help partners improve their lives together in this premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. This 9-week ZOOM seminar is on Wednesdays, Jan. 22 - March 19, 2025, from 7:30-9:15pm Eastern Time.

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. (The next live seminar starts January 2025). The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar

Non ADHD Partner Support Group (registration open) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert.  This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD.  (REGISTRATION IS OPEN). We STRONGLY recommend you also take the seminar

FREE RESOURCES:

Weekly email Marriage Tips newsletters;

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD; 

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.