Problems vs. Solutions

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“Supervisors don’t want to hear about problems or disabilities – they want to hear about solutions.”

- Dr. Kathleen Nadeau in a speech about ADHD and the workplace

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This was part of a speech Dr. Nadeau gave in Toronto at CADDAC about work and ADHD.  But it reminded me also of couples.  Like your supervisor, your partner doesn’t want to hear about problems, disabilities or frustrations.  Or, more accurately, ONLY hear about them.  Yes, you need to identify your problems – not hold them in.  But after that, your partner wants to hear about solutions.

Like in the workplace, a good way to develop a solution is to be proactive.  Create a plan and discuss it with your partner as something to be reviewed and, possibly, improved.  And, also like work, all good plans have a way to measure their success.  In relationships, this means set objective goals.

And beware.  “Reasons” you didn't get to do something often sound like excuses and won’t get you very far if they are used over and over again.  If you don't meet your objective goals, use it as a learning opportunity to change your approach next time.  "I'll just try harder" typically doesn't work as well as "how can I do this differently to make my approach better?"
 

© 2013 Melissa Orlov