ADHD & Marriage News - September 11, 2024
Quote of the Week
“We will always make mistakes…the better way to address mistakes is to set up a system to catch mistakes before they can cause harm. When you send a signal that failure is not going to be tolerated it is not that the failures stop but that they stop being reported.”
- Amy Edmondson, who studies failure
We All Fail... Then What?
No one is perfect. Period. End of sentence.
So, it makes no sense to set up an environment where failure is met with negativity, such as a critique, disappointment, yelling, or rejection. Doing so, intentionally or unintentionally, can quickly lead to habits of coverups and lies.
I’m pretty confident that at least some of the non-ADHD partners reading this will say ‘my partner fails all the time and I don’t punish them.’ Is that true, though? Do you sigh or roll your eyes (signals of contempt). Instruct them in how to do better (humiliation)? Lose your temper (punishment of a different sort)? Tell them they can’t have (sex; your affection; time to play…) until they do better?
Others will say “I am completely open to my partner’s problems…and still they lie.” I view that as testament to the many types of ‘punishment’ ADHDers experience, as well as a lifetime of not doing as well as they had hoped.
Edmondson has studied how corporations handle failure and her findings were quite clear. Those that set up a no-fail policy were those who had bigger failures because people covered up and so things got much worse before they were discovered. Conversely, those that set up systems that accepted failure as part of the process and focused on improvement did much better.
Is there something to be learned for your relationship in her research?
STARTING NEXT WEEK - SEPTEMBER 18!
➤ ADHD Effect In-Depth LIVE Couples' Seminar - Wednesdays, Sept 18 to Nov 20, 2024 / 8pm to ~ 9:40pm EASTERN time
No matter where you are in the world, you can take this seminar - Get the hope, information and the tools you need to move towards a HAPPIER, HEALTHIER & THRIVING RELATIONSHIP.
- Learn how to trust again
- Get out of destructive patterns such as parent/child dynamics and the chore wars
- Become closer than you have been in a long time, and find the joy and intimacy you miss
- Let go of your anger and frustration
- Move from “correcting problems” to “enjoying each other”
- Navigate and optimize ADHD treatments
- Tap into hope for your relationship
- Cope with having a partner who is not yet in control of their anger
- Improve your communication skills
September 11, 2001, is forever seared in our memories. We support families and friends who lost loved ones that day.
Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD
SEMINARS, GROUPS:
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. THE NEXT LIVE SEMINAR STARTS SEPTEMBER 18, 2024. The Self-Study Seminar is available anytime. Move at your own pace. Includes materials/recordings from the recent '24 live seminar
Non ADHD Partner Support Group (FULL) and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group (FULL) - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.
ADHD & Marriage Consulting group - Consider this group if you're interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert. This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. REGISTRATION IS OPEN.
FREE RESOURCES:
How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;
Downloadable chapters of my books;
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Social Media: - follow us for tips and resources
ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!
Question? Contact Melissa.
© 2024 Melissa Orlov
