Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

(Man in flower shop, talking with woman at the counter) “I need something that says ‘I’m sorry about that thing I said that caused you to totally overreact’”.

- New Yorker cartoon


 

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What’s an Apology?!

I laughed out loud when I saw this cartoon!  I bet there isn’t a single person among you who hasn’t experienced – or provided – this type of maddening apology!

A really good apology is simple to define, harder to implement:
-    It’s heartfelt
-    It contains no caveats

If you apologize like this “I’m sorry that I hurt you, but you really made me mad,” you aren’t really apologizing at all.  Next time, don’t qualify or justify.  Just say “I’m really sorry I hurt you.”  Then, for added emphasis, add “What can I do to make it better?”  Better yet, add a hug or some gesture of comfort or remorse into the mix.

Your apology will be better appreciated.  And, you’ll already have sewn the seeds for starting to move past the problem that initiated the conflict in the first place with your “repairing” willingness to listen and learn.

MY NEXT SESSION OF THE ADHD EFFECT COUPLES COURSE STARTS ON WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 2012.  FOR MORE INFORMATION, GO TO THIS LINK.

© 2011 Melissa Orlov