Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

Underneath this smile
My world is slowly caving in
What I’m standing on is sinking in
And I don’t have a clue how to get off…
All the while I’m hanging on
Because that is all I know

-Hilary Duff

ADHD Marriage blog and forum

Dr. Hallowell's website

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Something I Really Need to Say

If you feel as if your world is caving in, the best immediate response is not to hide behind a smile, but to open up and connect with another person around your pain.

I work with many couples in which one spouse says something like this: “I didn’t feel I could tell my spouse how I was feeling because he/she would have try to tell my why my feelings were wrong or unjustified.” The net result of this dynamic is that serious problems in the relationship sit below the surface and fester, making things worse.

You can interrupt this destructive pattern. Tell your partner that there are things that are bothering you that you both need to talk about and propose some learning conversations (see my book for details about this). If he/she is not willing or able to converse “safely” in this format, ask that you start professional counseling.

You’ll both be better off, and it’s better than hiding behind a smile.

MY NEXT MARRIAGE SEMINAR STARTS SEPT. 12.  MORE DETAILS CAN BE FOUND AT THIS LINK.

© 2011 Melissa Orlov