Submitted by -_Natalie_- on 06/30/2011.
When you and your spouse had any sort of long distance between you for a certain length of time, was it common to go days without hearing one thing from them? Then they finally get in contact with you after those few days and act like nothing is wrong...and then they go more days without contact and so on?
It's frustrating because he
Submitted by -_Natalie_- on
It's frustrating because he can say he loves me all he wants, but when he goes days without even one text or saying one thing to me, I just don't feel very loved at all. It makes me wonder how much he actually does care/love me. It just hurts he's okay with not even checking up on me. I just really want insight if this is a common thing with adders or if there are just other things going on and no excuse for that kind of behavior? Any one got comments please?
communication
Submitted by pink1 on
I feel so relieved to see that other people go what I go through with my boyfriend. He will do exactly the same, just not be in touch and it doesn't seem to bother him, which is hurtful because if I was doing that to him it would be because I wasn't wanting to speak to him and didn't care very much. But I know he loves me, and it makes him feel so bad to know he's hurt me. But he still can't help it. It takes a lot of strength to be able to not take it personally. My boyfriend went travelling for 4 months, and it was the hardest time in our relationship. I just couldn't understand how he could speak to me so infrequently, and then be surprised that our relationship was in ruins by the time he came home. I tried everything to explain to him how it would make me feel and what it could do to our relationship... nothing worked, I felt so out of control. I have always thought to myself that it was ADHD, but nothing I read talked about this and so I have never been sure. Relying on him to communicate is hard, but something I feel I have to learn to accept about him, as nothing I have ever tried has made a difference. It is hard, and I do understand how you feel.
Yeah, that is exactly how
Submitted by -_Natalie_- on
Yeah, that is exactly how mine is. We are only apart for a few months during the summer, and during this time is so stressful on my relationship with him. We already fell apart last summer because of the same reason, but this summer he was like "well I just know we'll be okay this time." But when I go days without hearing from him, not one call, not one text, not online it just really makes me wonder if we are in for a repeat of last summer. And the times he is online, he is never on there for more than 20 minutes it seems without some "excuse" to why he has to go. It takes him long time to reply to what I say anyway, and when we do talk, he seems so disinterested. He'll give me short little replies to what I say, without really engaging in it. Back when he had his hyperfocus, we would spend hours teasing, talking, sharing, but now I feel like I'm the one trying to put in 95 percent of the effort. He did say that when he keeps busy it makes the summer go by faster, but still when we aren't communicating, the relationship isn't being nurtured you know. We have no problem when we are together because it seems since i"m right there under his nose, he always wants me to spend time with him, but once distance comes along, its as if I'm not his girlfriend and as if I don't exist half the time. I'm trying to hang in there and understand this as his adhd (hopefully), but he kept me in the dark all last summer about how he was really feeling and towards the end we broke up last summer. He blamed his feeling changes last summer on our conversations, but HELLO, he wasn't trying it seemed...so I just worry always that he's keeping it from me even though he told me that he would be honest with me this time if his feelings even begun to change again...but if we aren't talking, our conversations are once again down the drain. He told me several times he'd call me..he'll be like "FOR SURE I"LL CALL YOU TOMORROW" and sure enough I don't get my phone call. Always some reason why we can't talk on the phone, and I have limited text unfortunately. But then he's never online. So agitating lol. I'm glad someone else had this too. I'm trying to just hang in there until we can be with each other again because when we are things are different and just fine
My husband has ADHD and hates
Submitted by SherriW13 on
My husband has ADHD and hates to travel/leave his family. He never goes more than a few hours (even when he's just at work) without calling. I know that many have the 'distraction' symptom of ADHD and my husband doesn't...so maybe that is the difference?
Most of his adhd I'm pretty
Submitted by -_Natalie_- on
Most of his adhd I'm pretty sure is distraction which I think really is the difference between my partner and yours. His adhd is only really noticeable to me during distances, although he can't focus on school work for extended periods of time, he leaves right in the middle of talking to him, and he says off the wall things a lot that don't make sense.
My boyfriend's adhd
Submitted by pink1 on
My boyfriend's adhd difficulties sound similar to yours. I am really noticing them at the moment also when pressures of life, change and more responsibility are building. I really identify with your previous message, so at least you know you're not alone. Good luck, I hope you get through this time together still smiling at the end. I am the same, I experienced the lack of contact a first time around of a summer apart, and did everything I could to stop it from happening the second time (3 years later) and just couldn't. He expects everything to just fall back into place, because like you say, I was out of sight out of mind, but it is too hard for me as it hurts too much. Sorry to be negative :o( things are hard at the moment. It's just whether we can be happy I suppose with being understanding of this difficulty. But I get it, so hope you are ok! I know how hurtful it can feel!
Last summer I didn't think
Submitted by -_Natalie_- on
Last summer I didn't think for one minute of his adhd because he never told me. His mother told me once about it, but he himself never said anything about having it...so any thought of him having adhd slipped out of my mind. Then when we got back together earlier this year and were discussing our problems from our previous relationship he finally said "OH that's my adhd when I just leave and don't say anything"...so now I'm really trying to just research as much as I can into it and try to be patient and understanding that it could be the adhd that is causing him to do what he's doing. But then there's a part of me that really isn't sure how much it is the adhd because like I said, I just don't see it when I'm there with him as if he doesn't have any problem whatsoever. I haven't heard from him in a few days, no texts or anything already, and I've came close a few times to just quitting because I've been feeling so unloved, uncared for, not important...but then I know i only have a short time again because I can see him and we can really work on these things. I would tell him, but I've already pestered him enough about all of this that I worry he'll get into this mindset that he can't keep me happy and not good enough and break up with me as a result...I don't want to be the nagging partner you know, so I just try to talk it out with other people, and especially one that completely gets what I've going through. Mind if we keep in touch. I do talk about it with my other friends, but they don't have a partner with adhd so they just think he's being a jerk to me..it's finally a relief to have someone that has a similar situation.
phone calls etc
Submitted by brightfuture01 on
I think my boyfriend has ADHD too and he is EXACTLY the same with regards to calling. He doesn't really text and he doesn't use computers. He says he will 'definitely' call and sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. I took matters into my own hands by simply calling him when I wanted to speak to him, and telling him that I would call him rather than wait for him to call me. It also made me think 'do I really need to speak to him or is it my insecurity?' I think with him it is procrastination rather than distraction/ avoidance.
Good luck with it all xx