What’s an Apology?!

ADHD & Marriage - Weekly Marriage Tip - March 7, 2012

Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

Quote of the WeekQuick Links

(Man in flower shop, talking with woman at the counter) “I need something that says ‘I’m sorry about that thing I said that caused you to totally overreact’”.

- New Yorker cartoon


 


 

ADHD Marriage blog and forum

Dr. Hallowell's website and sign-up for Hallowell Connections Newsletter

Sign up for these weekly marriage tips and other announcements related to ADHD & Marriage

What’s an Apology?!

I laughed out loud when I saw this cartoon!  I bet there isn’t a single person among you who hasn’t experienced – or provided – this type of maddening apology!

A really good apology is simple to define, harder to implement:
-    It’s heartfelt
-    It contains no caveats

If you apologize like this “I’m sorry that I hurt you, but you really made me mad,” you aren’t really apologizing at all.  Next time, don’t qualify or justify.  Just say “I’m really sorry I hurt you.”  Then, for added emphasis, add “What can I do to make it better?”  Better yet, add a hug or some gesture of comfort or remorse into the mix.

Your apology will be better appreciated.  And, you’ll already have sewn the seeds for starting to move past the problem that initiated the conflict in the first place with your “repairing” willingness to listen and learn.


MY NEXT SESSION OF THE ADHD EFFECT COUPLES COURSE STARTS ON WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 2012.  FOR MORE INFORMATION, GO TO THIS LINK.

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
If you or your spouse has ADHD, please join our forum at www.adhdmarriage.com to ask your questions and learn from others who share your issues.  In addition, you'll find in-depth essays to help you learn how to thrive in a marriage affected by ADHD.
 
Hope to hear from you there!
 
Melissa Orlov

© 2011 Melissa Orlov

© copyright Ned Hallowell, M.D. and Melissa Orlov, 2007-2011