So... I'm 40 and I've been married to my ADD husband for 15 years and I have lost count of all the jobs he has had, usually for somewhere between 6 months and 3 years. I'm finally coming to the realization that I'm looking at a lifetime of him changing jobs (with seasons of unemployment which are super tough), no retirement, no college savings for our kids, no financial management (unless I do it alone and I'm not great at it and I do dislike it) and never seeing him happy vocationally. Anyone out there have some good coping skills for this life I'm facing? I love my husband, we have fun together, I don't TRUST him with money or less important issues (ADD, good intentions but not much follow through) but I also don't see a reason to divorce outside of wanting to find a more partner-like partner. I would like to hear from people who have figured out how to cope and flourish in this sort of situation over the long term - Or tell me if I'm completely delusional to hope for a good future together.
JOBS: Vocational ADD and how to cope over the long term
Submitted by ADD Spouse 4 on 04/19/2012.
Tough situation
Submitted by redhead1017 on
You say you've lost count of all the jobs he has had.....unfortunately that is the norm with ADHD partners, and I would not be looking for it to get better, because it won't. I have been married to my spouse now for almost 22 years and he's been unemployed for most of that. Ten years ago I realized that if I was ever going to be financially secure - and secure the future of not only myself, but my disabled son - I would have to take care of things myself. Nobody "likes" planning for their financial future, but it's just something you have to do as an adult. You sound like you're hoping for things to change, I'm here to tell you that they won't, and you need to take charge. Don't wait around for him to do it, because he won't.
Uhh, generalizing
Submitted by sunlight on
"unfortunately that is the norm with ADHD partners, and I would not be looking for it to get better, because it won't"
I know that you are writing from your experience but whenever I see something like this I think of (a) all the ADHD people for whom this doesn't apply (some come to this site) and (b) a newly diagnosed struggling ADHD person coming to this site, seeing this and feeling that all non-ADHD people have this view of all ADHD people, that they are nothing but a burden, and that their lives are hopeless and their diagnosis a catastrophe. From the statistics in the literature somewhere between 10-30% of ADHD people receiving treatment don't respond to meds (I don't recall the figures for CBT or other therapy), that leaves a big majority who can & do improve and who live worthwhile lives without crushing everyone around them. Just had to say that.
Obviously your experience is different
Submitted by redhead1017 on
I'm happy for you that your experience has been different, but for the vast majority of people at this site, joblessness is a way of life. There's no point in making it out to be different that it is; that just gives false hope.
The vast majority of people
Submitted by smilingagain on
The vast majority of people at this site... Do not post and just read along. How the heck do you know?
I know a LOT of employed people with ADHD- including me obviously.
I am not trying to pick a fight and I am sorry if you are dealing with this- but honestly, sunlight was dead on. You were generalizing and you actually have no idea.
I wish you the best.
Thank you!
Submitted by smilingagain on
:)