Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“Most of us have had at least one ugly experience being on the receiving end of someone who just had to “speak his or her truth” – and who also seemed intent on making us wrong, guilt-tripping us or hurting our feelings in the process.  We’ve all been in situations where someone says something totally unkind or inappropriate and then uses, “Well, it’s true!” as an easy excuse.”

- Cat Thompson, Experience Life Magazine 4/12

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During the period of time in which my husband and I were most angry at each other he used to practice what I called "the truth at all costs."  Perhaps I did, too, though what I remember most vividly was being on the receiving end of some of his harsh words during this period...and how much those words hurt (and also stuck with me).

You may be having trouble in your marriage, but it helps you NOT ONE BIT to be cruel.  Don't tell her she's fat, ugly or unattractive even if you think so.  Don't call her a c*nt or b*tch or dog, even if you're really mad.  Don't tell him he's a complete loser, even if he has lost his most recent job again and you're scared about your finances.  Those words may be how you feel in the moment...or perhaps expressing that high emotion may be how your family acted as you grew up.  Nonetheless, cruelty is a hard thing from which to recover since it is such a breech of trust - and the shock of being on the receiving end of a marriage partner's cruelty seers itself into your memory.

If you are experiencing cruelty in your relationship, seek professional help.

© 2012 Melissa Orlov