What to Nurture

Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“For most people, sacrifices and hardships are not a choice but a necessity – and tougher than ever because of the expansion of working hours.  In 2009, married middle-income parents worked about 8.5 hours more per week than in 1979.  Just as expectations about work hours have risen dramatically, so have expectations of how much time mothers will spend focused on their children.  An employed mom today spends about the same amount of time reading to, feeding and playing with her children as a non-employed mother did in 1975.”

- Sheryl Sandberg, Author of Lean In and COO of Facebook
 

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I’m delighted that moms today spend as much time reading and playing with their kids as they did in 1975 – that’s so important!…but our lives are most certainly busier!  And balancing it all is really hard.  Something has to go – but here’s what it shouldn’t be – time spent attending to your spouse.  Instead, say "no" to some requests for assistance from others.

I can’t even count the number of women who have wistfully said to me “well, with the kids and work and everything we just got so busy...my husband and I just grew apart.”  Often we are talking about how she no longer has a sex life…or worse.

I’m going to say something radical here:  Marriages need nurturing even more than kids (beyond basic safety and love!)  Your relationship with your spouse is the umbrella under which your children live and thrive.  If you and your spouse are happy, your children will likely follow.  So take a look at how you allocate your family time.  Are you spending enough of it one on one with your partner?  If not, consider replacing kid time with spouse time.  It's likely that everyone will be benefit.

© 2013 Melissa Orlov