Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“Why was I so unable to do something so painfully simple?  Whatever sense of professional competence we feel in adult life is less the sum of accomplishment than the absence of impossibility:  it’s really our relief at no longer having to do things we were never any good at doing in the first place – relief at never again having to dissect a frog or memorize the periodic table.”

- Adam Gopnik, on learning how to draw as an adult (from New Yorker, 6/27/11)

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I was struck by this concept that adult life is about the absence of impossibility because it made me wonder if this is the case for those with ADHD.  It seems as if there is no “relief at no longer having to do things we were never good at doing” for most ADHD adults because the daily chores associated with raising families tend to require skills such as organizing and being on time that are so hard with ADHD.

I'm a non-ADHD adult who has trouble with math (actually, most likely undiagnosed dyscalculia, which is an inability to calculate numbers.) I did what Gopnik suggested.  Once out of school I simply chose a career that didn’t need much math and didn’t bother to balance my checkbook.  Voila!  Relief!  It's not so easy with ADHD, which crosses into so many different areas of one's life. 

The more I thought about that, the more humbled I felt.  One's “success” isn’t just about competence, but also about aligning your skills with what you do in life.  I’m just plain lucky that my particular disability was so narrow.  My appreciation to all of those who have ADHD and struggle each day to manage it.

© 2013 Melissa Orlov