Submitted by Suda on 08/27/2013.
I am new to this forum and looking for advice. I am at my wits end and think my husband has ADHD. I am trying to find a way to delicately bring up the subject with him. I have a strong feeling it will end up that he completely shuts down or a huge argument. How did your ADHD partner get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult? Did the non-ADHD partner urge him or her to get diagnosed?
My husband has been in and
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
My husband has been in and out of mental health treatment, for anxiety and depression, for at least 20 years. I can't remember when exactly he was diagnosed with ADHD; it was fairly recently (4 to 6 years ago). I'm not sure that having the diagnostic label has helped very much, because the only significant change that my husband made in response to the diagnosis was to start taking ritalin, and I don't see much difference as a result. He has resisted making any non-medication-related behavioral changes.
Elsewhere in the family?
Submitted by sunlight on
Do you have any idea whether it has been diagnosed or is present in other family members?
In my case (non-ADHD female), when I finally figured out that 'it' was most likely ADHD I tied the conversation to the existence of it elsewhere in the family and phrased it as "What if"? "Wouldn't this explain it?" Since he's a highly logical person he had to come up with an alternative explanation or agree. This bounced around a few weeks. I gave him questionnaires from books and websites, he did them. Hmm, scored high and couldn't deny it. Ultimately I told him that if he did not go to a psychiatrist one of us would move out, no ifs ands or buts. I repeatedly was very specific (he does not 'get' subtle, everything must be very clear with no wiggle room). I did sweeten the deal somewhat by illustrating (books etc) that ADHD was a treatable condition and wouldn't it be a waste of life to be unhappy when happiness might be possible (I am paraphrasing and shortening things, this went on over some weeks). He went (found the psych on his own and went off to the appt). Now he takes the meds, say he feels happier than he has in years, and wishes he'd known (or someone had pushed him) decades ago (he is mid-fifties).
If you can get him to agree to go for evaluation - it is very important to find a specialist in adult ADHD (not children) as they will know much more about how ADHD impacts adult relationships, performance at work etc etc.
thank you
Submitted by Suda on
Thank you for your reply. It is not been diagnosed officially in his family although his Uncle was diagnosed with bipolar disease when he was almost 60 years old. My Husband is 44. We have been together for 17 years and have done marriage counseling off and on. About 3 years ago, he was evaluated once by a psychiatrist per the request of our marriage counselor because she thought there was something to explore further. The psychiatrist (who was not an ADHD specialist) diagnosed my husband with a "slight mood disorder" and was told to watch his drinking, exercise and to keep an eye on things. He never followed back up on it. I appreciate you sharing how you convinced your husband to seek evaluation. I will just need to sit down and really think how I want to phrase it - I will need to put it in writing because he does better with a visual letter than if we talk to face to face first with a difficult subject. I feel like I have to be able to present my point of view as a lawyer because he is also a highly logical person and it can be intimidating to me. I will make sure to emphasize that it is a treatable condition and just to rule it out as a possibility. I know he is totally against meds, but at this point I just need to know if ADHD is a factor. It might possibly give me some hope that there is potential to be better.... I am just so tired.