Anticipating Pain

Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“Worrying about things that haven’t happened yet doesn’t protect us from pain.  Ask anyone who has experienced a tragedy; they’ll tell you there is no way to prepare.”

- Brene Brown, in Oprah Magazine

ADHD Marriage blog and forum

Dr. Hallowell's website

Sign up for announcements related to ADHD & Marriage

Melissa's Upcoming  Events

I talk with a lot of couples in which a non-ADHD spouse is quite worried that bad things are going to continue to happen with the ADHD spouse.  The worrying itself becomes an issue for the couple because it means that the worrier is always on alert to any possible issue.  Since the ADHD partner is aware of that, he or she becomes particularly tense and worried as well.  This means that even a small mistake or slip that might not become very big in most circumstances can escalate quickly because of the tension created by the anxiety lurking nearby.

Try alleviating this worry by focusing on the present – has my partner been a good partner this week?  Have I been a good partner this week?  Today?  If not, what can either of us do better?  And what’s the most constructive way to talk about it?  It can also be very useful to focus on finding the positives in what is happening.  If you have to focus on something, wouldn’t it be better for you both if you spent your time trying to find the positives than spending your time anxiously awaiting the next problem?

© 2013 Melissa Orlov