So H worked OT last weekend. 6 hours on Saturday for time and a half and 7 hours on Sunday for double time. That amounted to 23 hours extra that was going on his paycheck. Great! However, then he took both Monday and Tuesday off for what I am assuming he felt he deserved for his weekend that he never got. Well there goes 16 hours of the extra 23 you were supposed to have which left him with 7 extra hours on his paycheck. Then I get home last night and he tells me all about the crappy day he had. He tells me his manager has been on a rampage lately with everyone and he was going off on H all day yesterday. I then say to him "But you said he was being that way with everyone, right?" to which he replies "Well no mainly just me". So once again you are having issues with a manager or co worker. It's NEVER NEVER EVER his fault when this happens. It's always someone else going off the deep end over nothing. Said this guy kept following him around and then told him to go up to a certain area and work and he did but then he had to go to another area for a few minutes and the guy couldn't find him and went off on him about that. Then the manager caught him sitting at the computer when he should have been working and H tells him that he was just logging into this specific job he was working on. Manager goes "You've been up here for 30 minutes and you are just NOW logging onto it" Husband goes "I just forgot to do it earlier" Manager then goes "How OLD are you??!!" That sets H off and he starts asking the manager if he ever forgets anything and the manager apparently said "All the time" and then H goes "Well how old are you?!" Then they go and talk to the manager's manager who just basically sees the whole thing as childish and nothing gets resolved.
So I just KNEW that after the crappy day he had that he wouldn't be going in today. Oh he made it out like he was going in. Got his motorcycle and gear all ready to go last night so he could just get up and put it on and go. Oh and he told me on Wed. that he was going to work this weekend, which he was happy about to make money, but if you don't work on Friday's then they don't allow you to work OT on the weekends. So the alarm goes off at 3:15 this morning and goes off every 10 minutes after that until 4 AM. He is supposed to be in at 5AM. At 4 he resets his alarm for 5:30 and texts his manager giving him some excuse as to why he's going to be late. Gee you don't think your manager sees right through that after the blowout you just had with him? I tell him flat out that he's not going in so why is he setting the alarm. He goes "Shhhhh" because he doesn't want to give me a truthful answer. I go to him again "I KNOW you aren't going in" and he goes "I am riding my motorcycle so parking won't be a problem and I can go in late. Plus if I don't work today I can't work this weekend". I go "Yeah I know, you did the same thing last month and couldn't work that weekend either which led to you taking 2 weeks off". He gets all huffy at m. Anyways, the alarm goes off again at 5:30 and I get up and he resets it for 6:30AM. I leave the house at 6:45 and he is still in bed and has apparently reset the alarm yet again.
There's no way he would be into work before 8AM if he did go in and why would he go in at that point? I agree with his manager...how old ARE you? If somebody at work pisses you off you think you have every right to just take the next few days or weeks off to "show them what's up". He acts like a child. I have known him for 10 years and in that period he has worked at 4 different places. Each one there were managers and coworkers he had blowouts with and they were NEVER his fault. His current job he's been at for 6 years but he has been on all 3 shifts and in many different parts of the factory trying to find a place he's happy but each area there's always at least one person who he just can't get along with. Does he not see that HE is most likely the problem in these situations? He just thinks they always single him out for one reason or another. He fought tooth and nail to get a desk job and they actually chose him out of a pool of candidates. After 6 months he couldn't handle it or was bored and wanted out of the job but he said no one would listen to him. So what was his solution? He didn't go into work for almost a full month as he said that was the only way to get the point across to them that he wanted out! Who does that? Or who does that and still has a job to come back to?
So if he doesn't go in today he will be minus 1 hour on this paycheck when he should have been +23 hours. He still thinks he's making huge bucks because he's working OT but then he negates all that work by pulling this crap! He has been getting raises every year but according to his W2 his annual pay has gone down every year because each year he takes more and more days off. The first year I moved out here he had over $50,000 for the year. Now he barely cracks $40,000.
..Ive saw this behavior before...
Submitted by c ur self on
Hi Mapper, I retired from my job (hospital engineering) a year ago...I was a manager the last 15 or so...So I've dealt w/many personalities...Your post about your husband brings several thoughts to mind...Most of the employee's I have dealt with that is doing what he is doing wouldn't have lasted long at our hospital, he would have fired himself...Most company's have handbooks that show how many absent days, tardy's etc...one can take off without being written up, reprimanded etc...Over the years I have had several good workers who, when there, could and for the most part would do the job...The few that would work the system (call in, or be late all they could without getting fired) usually had substance abuse problems...mostly alcohol, they felt so bad in the AM, it was hard to get going...I am so sorry, you are dealing with this, I know it is so frustrating to be in your position...You would like to depend on your husband, but his actions are making it impossible for you to rely on him...I can also see where add/adhd can cause problems also...My W always leaves the house running and she refuses to go at any other pace. I would say baby if would just make a habit of leaving 5 minutes earlier, you could go at a reasonable pace and not run to the time clock, I've finally realized, she can't, and it also gives her excitement she craves I guess LOL...So she has gotten her share of tardy's...PS...Don't you hate it when your spouse sets alarms an hour before they have to be up? My sleep is over after the first one...I do not know how anybody lives w/an add spouse without those rubber ear plugs you roll up and slip in your ears...They save my life!!! :-) I hope your day gets better...
running late
Submitted by dedelight4 on
c ur self, My ADHD husband does the SAME THING with running late. But, there is one thing that REALLY BOGGLES MY MIND. He will get up early enough, and get dressed with plenty of time to get to work (with time to spare). But NOooooooooooooooo.......He will putter around the house until he is LATE, then rush around like a crazy person yelling, "I'm late....I'm late....I've got to get going. Let me go because I've got to get out of here". Then he rushes out of the house, jumps in the car and ZOOMS off to work. I CAN'T STAND THIS. I don't know how he hasn't gotten hundreds of tickets from driving so fast to work. (he HAS gotten a lot of tickets though, usually about 2 a year. But he YELLS AT ME to not get any tickets, which makes me mad because I've only had 2 tickets in my entire life)
BUT.....HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. He gets ready in time, but STILL makes himself late, every single day. I just DON'T GET IT. It must be his morning adrenaline RUSH, so that he can start his day with a BANG.
dedelight4
Submitted by c ur self on
Exactly! I guess this is add behavior or irresponsible behavior at the least...the trap I fell into with my W was being the protective husband and calling her attention to it, being the self appointed time keeper/ encourager...Now I might say you need to leave in 5 so you don't have to rush...but when she ignores me I just walk outside or get away from the chaos i know is coming....THEY WILL SUCK YOU INTO IT...All of a sudden they will want to know, in that manic emotional voice :) if you have seen there keys or something and when you calmly say no the next time they make a pass by you, It's what did you do with my keys? lol...So, as hard as it's been for me, (Mr. Fix everything :)) there is tons of stuff my W does and says that I have to completely ignore, so I don't get drug into an unwise situation that only she can do anything about anyway. In the past I just baled in there with good intentions but my frustrations quickly rose up, because she wasn't getting it...and then it turns into a emotional situation that she would use as an excuse to ignore her original behavior. I was her personal scape goat...She never had to see herself, she had me! This is the cycle that Melissa talks about in her book...act/react...Praise God, I'm learning to not react...I'm starting to get it :-)....
I do absolutely hate it that
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
I do absolutely hate it that he finds the need to set the alarm 45 minutes before he HAS to be up and then hit the snooze again and again and again! Then when he does it for an hour and THEN decides "Nah...I'm not going in today". I am a very light sleeper so, like you, after it goes off once I am up...and I don't HAVE to be up until about 6AM!
Well...maybe he DID go to work
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
I've been monitoring his Facebook usage from my computer at work and I didn't see him on until during his lunch break at work and it shows him as not being on since then. I also don't see a phone call into work saying he won't be in (unless that's what his message to his manager was this morning). If he is on again during his 10 minute break then I would be tempted to say he IS at work because that's what he does on his breaks. However, seeing him as being on outside of his normal breaks then I would say no.
:(
Submitted by snsforever916 on
I feel so bad for you. I know it's frustrating but the more you check in, the more you coddle, the worse it gets, I can promise you that.
snsforever916
Submitted by c ur self on
AMEN! This is the answer...we all have to be big boy's and girls...:-)
c ur self.I hear that too!
Submitted by dedelight4 on
c ur self, I hear the phrase "What have you done with me keys?" so much I don't even respond to it any more. My H usually asks me this with what EVER he can't find. He accuses me FIRST of TAKING his items BEFORE actually looking for them. I think he does this so that he can con me into looking for things so he DOSENT HAVE TO.
The thing is, it becomes hurtful when repeatedly being ACCUSED of doing things I didn't do, with him KNOWING I didn't hide his ______________________________ (fill in the blank). It's one more thing on top of a hundred others that erodes the self esteem of the non-ADHD spouse. It takes a LOT of work to not get sucked in to the things an ADHD person can say to demean and undermine their spouses. (whether they mean it or not) The ones like my husband who DO NOT work at bettering their conditions can cause a world of hurt as well as taking NO RESPONSIBILITY for their words/actions.
It's much harder than it seems....
Submitted by snsforever916 on
To let my spouse make horrible choices and see him struggle with those. However, he's starting to get it. Sadly, he went from his parents house and moved in with a girl...and had been hopping from relationship of caretakers types of women to the next. He said he married me because I called him out, didn't make excuses and made him accountable. In the beginning I was like this...so involved in his life that I didn't have my own. I slowly pulled back and made him aware of how his actions without my input would devastate his life.