What's up with sudden shifts in reality for ADD?
After about 7 years of battling against what looked like irresponsible, childish behavior, my husband was willing to consider ADD as a possible explanation. At the time, we went together to the general internist and he was given a script for Adderall. At first, it did seem to help. Three years later, that "treatment" is falling horribly short of addressing the issues.
For the past year, all of us around him have been crashing and drowning in the flood surrounding this Wave he's been riding... the business he started while in the throes of what I suspect was adderall (or some unknown factor) induced mania.
Now - he has had a couple other individuals besides just me telling him that he has gone too far, that he is out of control, that the whirlwind he creates while "medicated' is far from focused or productive. One of the people who is confronting him about this is a man he seems to respect. My husband does not rage against this man, who has filled the role of Operations Manager in his business, but we have seen him try to sneak around the controls which the guy has tried to put into place. It's like he fills a Father role for my husband, although he's only a few years older. It's like there's now a "Dad" alongside my role (in husband's eyes) of "Mom", I am only guessing about all this, but that's how it appears to me.
So now, Mr Operations Manager has expressed all of the same frustrations with husband that I have, including the feeling of having been belittled by him. The cycle has been what you might expect - my husband will claim innocence of motives, beg, lie, spiel off loads of his rationalizations.... anything to deflect the Mr. O.M.'s criticisms. O.M. is a kind, caring, Christian man. He's known my husband for some time, but never worked closely with him. Also, he remains enough in his own head, that he never saw this side of it all. Now he sees it all and there's a very real possibility that he may walk away. This would destroy the business and we all recognize that. NOW husband is taking note that his issues are not light or momentary. Last night, he actually appeared to be humbled. So I told him that our counselor has described him as delusional. narcissistic, and now he has agreed that there is more to the problem than his previous admission that he is "a bit disorganized". He has agreed to get a full psych evaluation next week. I will believe that when I see it.
Last night I heard alot of "I don't mean to...", "It was not my intention...", and the like. It's as though he is totally out of touch with the side of him that is so manipulative, a con artist. And I wonder whether I am being conned now.
What do you all think about such a sudden transformation and willingness to admit that there is much more going on here... possibly much more than add? Could it be a genuine realization and conviction?
Even if he fully intended last night to act on his promises, I have seen how everything can change in the blink of an eye, as his hyperfocus leads him down another trail. Thank you.
I hope he goes to see the professional for help....
Submitted by c ur self on
It's like they are incapable of rationalizing the out come of their actions behaviors...They seem to live in a place in their minds "why its OK"...It reminds me of an Alcoholic who will stand and tell you when he is obviously half drunk...That he's not like other people...He can live and act normally while drinking...Denial seems to always be at the forefront of those who refuse "Or have a mind that is completely in capable of thinking is this thing I'm about to do going to be right and responsible for me and those who depend on me"....
Exactly
Submitted by Standing on
Yes, consequences are not a factor in decision making. Behavior is disconnected from rational thought and directed completely by reflexes. The thoughts come after the action, and so they're completely revolved around "why what I did was right and good and made sense".. bingo!
I got through to his rational mind last night, c ur self. He heard me. I was actually surprised that he is still in here, behind all of the layers. And you nailed it here about alcoholism, too... I mentioned to him last night that this thing is like fighting an addiction. An addiction to denial, to getting their own way.
He told me to make us an appointment, said he doesn't have the guy's number. I told him the psychiatrist's name and said, you can look up the number and make the call, just like you do with other things that are important to you, in business. I never want to hear again how he did such and such because I had a problem with him. He must own his own problems. He seemed to get that.
Standing...
Submitted by c ur self on
(just like you do with other things that are important to you) Don't we all do the things that are important to us :)...That a girl stay out of enabling game..."None of us every grow until we're held down and beaten by our own actions"....
Learning
Submitted by Standing on
Yep, I am learning :) Keepin my nose in my own beeswax over here. All I can do is to make suggestions (excellent ones, if I do say so myself hahaha).
Thank you! I like that quote about growing. Works both ways... for add and non-add alike!