My husband has ADD/Bipolar. I do not know how it is related, but for as long as I've known him (14 yrs.) he has absolutely hated to get his picture taken. Pictures are very important to my side of the family. It's become a ritual at family events for him to refuse to have his picture taken and then everyone nags and eventually demands to take his picture "for posterity." It's always an embarrassing thing for me. I hate conflict. On one hand I empathize with how important pictures are to my family but on the other hand their pushiness smacks of disrespect toward my husband and that really bothers me. My family thinks he is being selfish and so his reluctance/refusal to take pictures makes them feel hurt and angry. This last weekend as we were all together at our annual family camping trip, the ritual ensued as my mom wanted formal pictures. I decided that this must stop, so later I privately asked my mom (and later my sister and sister-in-law) to never push my husband like that again. They argued with the same old reasons but I challenged them that perhaps their desire to have pictures taken is as selfish as him not wanting his picture taken. Whose desire takes precedence? He is a full grown husband and father and they need to start treating him with enough respect to take his no for a no.
Does anyone else relate to this? Am I right? Are they being disrespectful? Is my husband being disrespectful and selfish like they claim? I would appreciate your input to test my horizon.
You are absolutely right!
Submitted by c ur self on
I'm some what like your husband...although I will have my photo taken with my wife and grandchildren from time to time....But, I had rather do the taking instead of being in it....Why would you not be right? See, people are all the same most of us want to control things....If we can justify what ever we are trying to push on others...We will make them out to be bad...we will judge them. We will do everything but show respect for their feelings....Take up for your husband :)
Seconding your opinion, you're right..
Submitted by sunlight on
Your husband's wishes should absolutely be respected and they are being obnoxiously selfish.
My ADHD husband's non-ADHD mother hated having her photo taken and that shows in every photo from the age of about 5 to shortly before her death. The person in the photo looks nothing like the person her family describes and I find it sad that she was practically forced to have photos taken apparently despite her saying repeatedly that she didn't like to do it. Those photos are probably not the record 'for posterity' that she wanted, instead she lives on in her letters and in the memories of her family and the stories handed down.
One of my kids stopped wanting photos taken at about the age of 9, I have loads of photos before that but very few afterwards. because I would never try to force photographs on anyone. Just my 2 cents (I am non ADHD).
Interesting
Submitted by kalexandria on
Since my ADHD other can't walk past a mirror w/o looking into it, I was intrigued by your family photo dilemma. I do not have ADD but am very uncomfortable in front of a camera. My "other" suggested having a portrait done. I replied, "If I wanted to look at myself every time I walked into the room I would hang a mirror!" So I don't consider it a criminal offense not to wish to have one's photo taken. Also, some cultures are very opposed to it. As far as idiosyncrasies go, this is rather a benign one. I side with your spouse here. I think your family needs to layoff and respect his wishes. They are not just annoying him, they are putting unnecessary stress on your marriage. Sometimes families need to learn when to just butt out!!!