Submitted by add on 12/01/2014.
I think one of the most difficult things to come to terms with after a long term marriage affected by ADD ends is when the non-ADD spouse for years did so much alone, kids, house, etc, etc, etc but then it's the ADD spouse that leaves the marriage. So many years of them saying it was me when it was really the ADD. The loneliness is sometimes unbearable. Over four years later and it still hurts every single day.
Focus on Yourself
Submitted by Best2You on
I feel for you and what you've felt after him leaving. Maybe part of you still resents what happened. I think you need to pat yourself in the back for everything you did all those years for stability, for your children, and any other reasons why you chose to stay in spite the ADD chaos. You are a STRONG woman! If your children are grown, I would focus on yourself. Do things to pamper yourself now that you weren't able to do before. It doesn't have to be expensive. Connect with friends, family, hobbies, volunteering. Concentrate on putting yourself and your needs first and doing only what makes you happy.
I'm not a professional but I think those things should help. I'm actually contemplating separation/divorce from my husband after 11+ years due to his untreated ADHD. I myself have ADD but have forcefully taken a non-ADHD role over the years for the family to survive, which is truly exhausting.
Hope things get better for you. Focus on yourself. You are worth it!
((((ADD <3))))))
Submitted by dweeb on
Hugs! I just replied to a post of yours on a different thread. I'm in the same situation as you are. My ADD husband just recently left! I agree with Best, it's time to focus on yourself!! Work on making yourself whole again because isn't it true that we give up so much just to try and balance them out????
I wish I had been the one to leave him, but I'm comfortable knowing that I was willing to do what it takes to make it work, he just wasn't. I have no regrets now, other than meeting him in the first place.....
Dear Ladies,
Submitted by Standing on
It may be more than add.
I don't want to complicate your circumstances more than they already are, but there is a very real possibility that the behavior of your husbands is due to some comorbid condition.
No one was more shocked than I when my spouse was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I pushed for his evaluation because I was concerned that he might have bipolar!
Since then, I've had time to process through alot of the issues, and to re-read some of the (un-given) letters I wrote to him over the years when I had no voice, only terror of conflict.
What leaps out at me now, in hindsight, is not his add symptoms, but that which underlay them..... his utter refusal to see me as anything other than an object, an extension of himself.
A while back, someone posted a thread about add getting a bad rap. Based on my own experience and study, I have to agree. Since I've begun reading about personality disorders, I see SO many of the same traits listed that here, on this forum, are being attributed to add... there must be something to it. In addition, I have read that those with personality disorders have a higher chance of also having add. The fact is that I know other individuals with add, some unmedicated, and they do not behave like self-serving, cruel, abusive manipulators. I really believe that when it gets that bad, there is much more going on. When you see someone with a pervasive pattern of poor behavior like this... may want to consider that it's more than an issue of brain wiring.
I am so sorry for your suffering. I understand. In the end, I was abandoned. My attempt at a boundary was interpreted as the last straw, and the final evidence that he refuses to try to learn or grow. Hugs to you all.